You Don’t Need to Forgive to Move On
You don’t owe closure to the person who caused the damage. You owe truth to the one who survived it.
You don’t need to forgive the person who abused you.
Not now.
Not ever.
You don’t need to light a candle, journal about their pain, or wish them peace on their "healing journey."
You don’t need to humanize the people who dehumanized you.
You don’t need to see their side.
You lived their side. You survived it.
They told you forgiveness was how you “get free.”
But that was never about your freedom.
That was about keeping the truth from making them uncomfortable.
Because the second you stop flinching
The second you stop softening
The second you stop pretending it wasn’t that bad—
You’re dangerous.
Forgiveness is the leash they offer after you’ve chewed through the fucking chain.
They want your peace?
They can earn it.
They want your grace?
They can go find God.
You don’t owe the people who hurt you closure.
You don’t owe them softness.
You don’t owe them a seat at the table they flipped and walked away from.
This isn’t about bitterness.
This is about boundaries.
This is about remembering what it took to crawl out of the wreckage while they watched.
This is about refusing to hand them the version of you they tried to kill.
You want to heal?
Then stop folding your story into something small enough to forgive.
Tell the truth.
All of it.
The ugly. The violent. The stuff that still lives in your chest when the lights go out.
Tell it loud enough that the people who were comfortable with your silence start sweating.
If they needed you quiet, then fuck being polite.
If they needed you forgiving, then fuck their redemption arc.
If they needed you healed so they could sleep better, then fuck their peace.
Because here’s the truth:
You already healed.
The second you stopped blaming yourself.
The second you said, “I’m not crazy — I was manipulated.”
The second you looked at the wreckage and said, “I’m building anyway.”
That was it.
That was the moment you got free.
Not when you forgave.
When you remembered.
So no — I didn’t forgive.
I survived.
And that was enough.
Let them carry what they did.
Let them choke on the story they’re too ashamed to tell.
Let them watch as you rise without ever saying their name again.
That’s not bitterness.
That’s power.
And it’s mine now.
It’s yours too.
You don’t need to forgive to move on.
You just need to stop bleeding for people who never even said sorry.
— Cody Taymore
In Judaism, tshuva (repentance) is only fully possible if you can restore what you took. Make up for what you did. Without this piece, full repentance isn't possible.
Sorry, you just gotta live with what you did.
And forgiveness, yea, that's more of a Christian idea that somehow we need to forgive those who hurt us. First off, asking someone to forgive you when you've hurt them is almost a repeat offense, because now you are asking your victim to give you something. Rather than you giving them something. A genuine, heartfelt, I am so sorry I hurt you and asking nothing in return goes much further both for the giver and the receiver.
We can soften. We can heal. We can find freedom from the demons .. but I agree wholeheartedly with you .. we never have to forgive our abusers.
I hear you brother. But in my experience: softening is not the same as forgiving. I can forgive and still have very clear boundaries. Still be fully in my power. Still not give a shit about them. Forgiveness is a state that happens, eventually, when all the fire of the rage burned itself out and there is no fighting left to do. There is just a letting go. A neutrality. And then you feel inside yourself and there is nothing left of that energy anymore...just an emptiness. You think of your past and what happened and it's like watching a movie...it's completely neutral. That is freedom for me. That is what forgiveness offers...but not because we try or dismiss our story or diminish our anger, but because we allowed ourselves the totality of our rage and hate and because it's the natural course of things when we start loving ourselves enough that we stop holding on to the past. All of it. And that doesn't mean we say it was ok. It's still a shitty story. Heart and gut wrenching. But eventually just a story. And I agree with you, it should not be forced or rushed or manipulated. Hope you have a nice weekend!