The Fawn Response: How Your ‘Niceness’ Might Actually Be a Trauma Response (And What to Do About It)

You weren’t being kind. You were avoiding punishment.

You’re always the one who stays late.

Who takes on the project no one wants. Who says “it’s fine” when it’s absolutely not.

You’re the emotional support human for everyone you know. The one who swallows rage and serves it back as a smile. The person who can’t remember the last time they said “no” without attaching fifteen qualifiers and an apology tour.

Everyone calls you nice. Thoughtful. Generous.

But here’s what they don’t see: the gnawing resentment. The quiet rage. The bone-deep exhaustion of maintaining a personality that feels increasingly like a performance.

What if I told you your “niceness” isn’t a virtue?

What if it’s actually a survival mechanism — an elaborate defense strategy your nervous system constructed to protect you from threat?

You’re not “too nice.” You’re still fighting a war that ended years ago, using the only weapon that ever worked: making yourself valuable enough to keep around.