Wow. This is so good. For six years I've been waiting for some kind of closure (and reconciliation) for a fall out with my sister where we both hurt one another. If only I could explain myself...If only we could have the conversation she never wants to have...if only she would own her part...yes, she's a narcissist...on and on. You really nailed the questions, the way the mind works and how to kick the habit. I'm going to keep this post for re-reads.
So much resonant truth to me in this: not getting the response / explanation that you crave but you still can’t stop looking for it until you realise you’re powerless with this need - a madness indeed. 🤯
From experience: the sooner you let go of whatever it is that is holding you hostage, the sooner you’ll be free. What you need for your peace and joy comes from you, not an external source. When you can truly love and care for yourself you will have satisfying and meaningful relationships with others. Forgive yourself. We can’t expect our past selves to know what we know today.
Sometimes you just never get closure and you have to be OK with it. Because the other person doesn't care. You don't need to waste your time caring either.
I've NEVER thought of this behaviour (that I have, admittedly, displayed on numerous occassions) as an addiction, but it makes so much sense - very enlightening post.
Wow. This is so good. For six years I've been waiting for some kind of closure (and reconciliation) for a fall out with my sister where we both hurt one another. If only I could explain myself...If only we could have the conversation she never wants to have...if only she would own her part...yes, she's a narcissist...on and on. You really nailed the questions, the way the mind works and how to kick the habit. I'm going to keep this post for re-reads.
So much resonant truth to me in this: not getting the response / explanation that you crave but you still can’t stop looking for it until you realise you’re powerless with this need - a madness indeed. 🤯
From experience: the sooner you let go of whatever it is that is holding you hostage, the sooner you’ll be free. What you need for your peace and joy comes from you, not an external source. When you can truly love and care for yourself you will have satisfying and meaningful relationships with others. Forgive yourself. We can’t expect our past selves to know what we know today.
Maybe the real closure is loving myself. Love this.
Sometimes you just never get closure and you have to be OK with it. Because the other person doesn't care. You don't need to waste your time caring either.
I've NEVER thought of this behaviour (that I have, admittedly, displayed on numerous occassions) as an addiction, but it makes so much sense - very enlightening post.
Wasted years trying to understand and mitigate cruelty and abuse.
Just STOP looking for answers
You are probably familiar with this, but if not, I’ll leave it here.
The Journey-Mary Oliver
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice—
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do—
determined to save
the only life you could save.
I have to keep realizing that I can NEVER get closure from broken and unhealed people who betrayed me.