Cody! This is my favorite article on Substack ever! I was talking to someone very important to me the other day about this exact thing. You articulated it with outstanding evidence skillfully and convincingly. Thank you so much! 😊
As much as it hurts to admit, this is all 1000% accurate. Much of what you write hits close to home, but reading this was like looking into a mirror (and I'm certain I speak for many who read this).
Yes, this is dead on! All my bad exes gave me butterflies. I finally ended up with someone who gave me calm and steady. For a long time I worried that maybe I didn't really love him, because it didn't feel as exhilarating as my old relationships (which were all toxic and abusive). But what I have now is the real deal. I just had to reprogram myself to understand that.
Gold. I've been telling people for some years now that intensity doesn't mean intimacy. It's a valuable insight I, like you, learned the hard way. Def kind of an addiction that takes some serious work to get past. Deceptive agenda-hiding people like hurrying us into making premature commitments.
This is such an important distinction... activation vs connection. The idea that calm feels like “nothing” to a nervous system trained on chaos explains so much relational confusion. Clear, grounded, and confronting in the best way.
This is the best explanation of this that I’ve ever read. And while I’ve come to understand it decently well, or so I thought, your article really helped the information to land and integrate. Thanks so much for this, I feel incredibly seen and feel lots of compassion for myself right now!
I would welcome 'boring' any day. Your post reminds me of Yung Pueblo :'If you are wondering who your people are, they are the ones who make your heart feel seen and your nervous system calm." Thank you for a very resounding post.
Cody! This is my favorite article on Substack ever! I was talking to someone very important to me the other day about this exact thing. You articulated it with outstanding evidence skillfully and convincingly. Thank you so much! 😊
As much as it hurts to admit, this is all 1000% accurate. Much of what you write hits close to home, but reading this was like looking into a mirror (and I'm certain I speak for many who read this).
Yes, this is dead on! All my bad exes gave me butterflies. I finally ended up with someone who gave me calm and steady. For a long time I worried that maybe I didn't really love him, because it didn't feel as exhilarating as my old relationships (which were all toxic and abusive). But what I have now is the real deal. I just had to reprogram myself to understand that.
Gold. I've been telling people for some years now that intensity doesn't mean intimacy. It's a valuable insight I, like you, learned the hard way. Def kind of an addiction that takes some serious work to get past. Deceptive agenda-hiding people like hurrying us into making premature commitments.
You've got me thinking, my friend. Although I think you're being a bit cynical and paranoid, who am I to talk when I'm even worse? Hahaha
This is such an important distinction... activation vs connection. The idea that calm feels like “nothing” to a nervous system trained on chaos explains so much relational confusion. Clear, grounded, and confronting in the best way.
Spot on
So powerful 👏🏻
Wow. Thank you, Cody. Your words sank deep deep deep. I needed to read this.
This is the best explanation of this that I’ve ever read. And while I’ve come to understand it decently well, or so I thought, your article really helped the information to land and integrate. Thanks so much for this, I feel incredibly seen and feel lots of compassion for myself right now!
I would welcome 'boring' any day. Your post reminds me of Yung Pueblo :'If you are wondering who your people are, they are the ones who make your heart feel seen and your nervous system calm." Thank you for a very resounding post.
I wish someone had taught me this when I was a teenager!
This was one of my favorite articles you’ve written Cody. It certainly puts a different perspective on our choices. Well done.
Yes to all of this. ✨