How to Get Someone to Like You

You can’t.

Not really. You can’t make someone like you. But you can make it incredibly easy for them to like you, and that’s what actually matters.

I’ve closed thousands of deals between finance and the industry I work in now. That’s thousands of people that liked me and trusted me with their money. And I’m going to tell you something that nobody else will: most of the shit you’ve been taught about “building rapport” is performative garbage that makes people trust you less.

When someone’s trying too hard to get me to like them, I feel it immediately. It’s desperate. It’s fake. And it makes me want to end the conversation.

Here’s what actually works.

Stop Acting Like a Salesperson

The fastest way to make someone not like you is to act like every other salesperson they’ve ever met.

You know the type. They walk in smiling too big. They ask about the family photos on your desk. They mirror your body language so obviously it’s like talking to a fucking mime. They laugh at things that aren’t funny. They agree with everything you say.

It’s exhausting to watch.

Research shows that when salespeople tried to mirror their prospects, deals closed 67% of the time. When they didn’t mirror at all, only 12.5% closed.

But here’s what that study doesn’t tell you: the mirroring that works is subtle. It’s not copying someone’s gestures like you’re playing Simon Says. It’s matching their energy, their pace, their directness.

If someone’s all business, you don’t open with small talk about their weekend. If someone’s chatty, you don’t launch straight into your pitch.

The tactic: Match the person’s communication style, not their movements. Are they emailing you paragraphs or bullets? Are they asking questions or making statements? Are they formal or casual? Give them back what they’re giving you.

Talk Less, Listen More, Give a Fuck

I did an exercise once where I tracked how much I talked versus how much my prospects talked in meetings.

Turns out, I was talking about 70% of the time.

I was hemorrhaging deals and didn’t know why.

Here’s the thing: when you’re talking, you’re not building trust. You’re pitching. And people don’t like being pitched to—they like being listened to.

The research backs this up. People who ask follow-up questions are perceived as more likeable. Active listening builds trust faster than any rapport technique you’ve ever learned.

But—and this is important—you actually have to give a shit about what they’re saying.

People can tell when you’re just waiting for your turn to talk. They can feel when you’re running through your mental script instead of being present. They know when you’re asking questions to manipulate them instead of understand them.

The tactic: In your next conversation, shut the fuck up. Aim to talk 30% of the time or less. Ask genuine questions. Don’t ask shit you don’t care about. If you don’t care about their kid’s soccer game, don’t ask about it. Find something you actually want to know and ask about that instead.

Be Useful Before You Ask for Anything

Reciprocity is one of the most powerful psychological triggers in sales. When you give someone something of value first, they feel obligated to return the favor.

But here’s where most people fuck this up: they give something worthless and expect something valuable in return.

Sending a generic article you found on Google isn’t useful. Connecting someone with a person they don’t actually need to meet isn’t useful. A 15-minute “intro call” where you’re clearly just trying to pitch them isn’t useful.

You know what’s useful? Actual information that solves a problem they have right now.

Before I get on a call with anyone, I spend 20 minutes researching them. Not their LinkedIn headline—I go deeper. What’s their company dealing with? What’s their industry facing? What challenges would someone in their role be managing?

Then I show up with something that helps them, whether they buy from me or not.

Sometimes it’s a competitor’s pricing structure I found. Sometimes it’s a regulation change they might not know about. Sometimes it’s just a brutally honest assessment of whether what I’m selling will actually solve their problem.

The tactic: Give them something valuable before you ask for anything. Make it specific. Make it immediately useful. And don’t attach strings to it. If they never buy from you but you helped them, you did it right.

Find One Real Thing in Common

People like people who are similar to themselves. This isn’t bullshit—it’s called the similarity-attraction effect, and it’s been studied to death.

But most salespeople take this insight and turn it into theater.

They scan someone’s office for clues. They creep their social media looking for hobbies. Then they fake enthusiasm about shit they don’t care about.

“Oh, you’re a Packers fan? Me too!” (They’re not.)

“You went to Michigan? Great school!” (They have no opinion about Michigan.)

“You like golf? I should get back into that!” (They’ve never played.)

People can smell this from a mile away.

The tactic: Find one real thing you actually have in common. Not something you can pretend to have in common. Something true.

Maybe you both grew up in small towns. Maybe you both switched careers in your 30s. Maybe you both think most sales training is performative bullshit.

One real connection beats ten fake ones every time.

Don’t Try to Be Liked By Everyone

Here’s the most important thing I’ve learned in 20+ years of sales:

Not everyone is going to like you. And that’s fine.

Some people prefer buttoned-up professionalism. I swear and make dark jokes—they’re not my people.

Some people want a “trusted advisor” who calls them quarterly. I’m direct and I move fast—they’ll find me overwhelming.

Some people need someone who validates every feeling. I tell the truth even when it’s uncomfortable—they’ll think I’m an asshole.

And all of that is okay.

Because the people who do like me? They fucking love working with me. They refer their friends. They renew without me asking. They become long-term relationships instead of one-time transactions.

The tactic: Be yourself. The real version, not the sales version. The people who don’t like that aren’t your people anyway. And the ones who do will trust you faster than anyone you’re performing for.

What Actually Happens When You Do This

When you stop performing and start being real, something shifts.

People relax around you. They tell you the truth about their budgets, their timelines, their real concerns. They introduce you to decision-makers. They skip the bullshit procurement process because they want to work with you specifically.

And yeah, some people don’t like it. Some people prefer the performance. Some people want you to kiss their ass.

Let them find someone else.

The deals you close this way close faster. They’re bigger. They renew. And you don’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not for the entire relationship.

That’s worth more than any “rapport-building technique” you’ll ever learn.

The Real Secret

You want to know the actual secret to getting someone to like you?

Give a shit about whether you’re actually helping them.

Not “helping them buy from you.” Helping them solve their problem.

If your product isn’t the right fit, tell them. If they should wait six months before buying anything, tell them. If your competitor is honestly a better choice for their situation, tell them.

I’ve lost deals this way. I’ve also built a reputation where when I tell someone they should buy from me, they believe me.

People don’t like salespeople. But they like people who are honest with them, who listen to them, and who help them make good decisions.

Be that person.

The sales will follow.

—Cody Taymore

Kill The Silence