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Rachel Victorianna's avatar

Have you considered turning this experience into a novel? I ask because just when I thought my novel/memoir was about to wrap up something awful happened and now I have a new ending with some kick-ass deep recovery thanks to a malignant narcissist.

Here's the abridged version. I hope you don't mind.

A man began saving me a seat in a packed AA meeting. When the time was right, he asked me out to dinner. It had been 21 years since I’d been on a date. I told him so and reminded him of my childhood trauma issues. This was not news to him. He was well aware, having studied me for months before saving the seat.

He acted like a gentleman, always holding doors and the like. He was polite and attentive, not at all pushy at first. I set a physical boundary. He pushed through it and I had a PTSD episode. The man mirrored my father, and a hidden memory rose to the surface as he groped me. I have enough recovery to be in an episode as a child and observing it as an adult. I demanded to be taken home.

The next day, I did my best to explain the flashback and begged him to not get physical with me until I was ready. That’s when the fancy date nights and all out romantic gestures began, followed by more groping and more PTSD flashbacks. I felt like I was the damaged one. He was the great guy putting up with my nonsense. With 32 years of sobriety and years of therapy under his belt, he was the healthy one. Assuring me, he had dealt with his childhood issues and his own battle with PTSD; he questioned my sanity.

“At 18 years clean and sober, shouldn’t you be doing better than this?” he asked.

It was such a head game and every date; he pushed further, explaining why it was all in my best interest. And I allowed it.

In the end, it all worked out in my favor, mental health wise. I got back my memories and the god-like aura that had hung over my mind concerning my father shattered. I looked at that man on the last day and said to myself, “What a small man, a weak and empty shell of a man.” My father was the same.

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Perhaps You Can Relate...'s avatar

As a therapist myself (I am honestly anxious disclosing that fact after reading your post 😳), I am HORRIFIED. The words "inviting me to her home under the guise of extra support" gave me chills. Oh. My. Goodness. I am so, so terribly sorry. This is a total nightmare - it reminds me of The Shrink Next Door. It is surreal. Thank you for sharing this very powerful piece.

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