Flying Monkeys: The Secret Army Every Narcissist Deploys (And How to Spot Them Before They Strike)
Most people think narcissistic abuse ends when you leave. They’re wrong.
The real war starts when you escape. And the narcissist doesn’t fight it alone.
They deploy an army. A secret network of unwitting soldiers who do their dirty work while keeping their own hands clean. In the narcissist playbook, these people have a name: Flying Monkeys.
I learned this the hard way when my therapist-turned-abuser unleashed her entire arsenal after I started breaking free. What followed was a coordinated campaign of harassment that nearly destroyed my career, my sanity, and my life.
“Flying monkeys don’t always know they’re flying monkeys. That’s what makes them so dangerous.”
What The Hell Are Flying Monkeys?
The term comes from The Wizard of Oz — those creepy winged creatures who did the Wicked Witch’s bidding. In narcissistic abuse, flying monkeys are the people who carry out the narcissist’s attacks, spread their lies, and gather intelligence for them.
They’re the narcissist’s proxy army. And they’re everywhere.
Here’s what makes them so effective: Most flying monkeys don’t even know they’re being used. They think they’re:
Helping a friend in need
Mediating a conflict
Gathering information out of concern
Standing up for someone who’s been “wronged”
The narcissist is a master puppeteer. They know exactly which strings to pull.
The 7 Types of Flying Monkeys (And Their Scripts)
1. The Concerned Friend
Their Script: “I’m just worried about both of you. Can’t we all just talk this through?”
This flying monkey appears genuinely concerned. They reach out “just to check on you” but every conversation somehow turns into intelligence gathering.
In my case, I had a mutual acquaintance suddenly become very interested in my wellbeing after I cut contact with my abusive therapist. “How are you doing? Emily seems really worried about you. She said you’ve been struggling…”
They’re fishing. Every detail you share goes straight back to the narcissist.
How to Spot Them:
Sudden increased interest in your life
Always steering conversations toward the narcissist
“Accidentally” mentioning the narcissist’s feelings/situation
Pushing for reconciliation
2. The Neutral Mediator
Their Script: “I don’t want to take sides, but maybe you misunderstood…”
This flying monkey positions themselves as Switzerland. They’re “just trying to help everyone get along.” But notice how their mediation always involves you compromising, apologizing, or reconsidering.
My abuser sent multiple “neutral” parties to convince me I was “overreacting” to her threats. One even said, “I’m sure she didn’t mean to threaten your career. Have you considered how stressed she must be?”
Stressed? She extorted $126,000 from me. But sure, let’s consider her feelings.
How to Spot Them:
Claims neutrality but defends the narcissist
Minimizes your experience
Suggests you’re being “too harsh”
Implies you share blame for the abuse
3. The Information Gatherer
Their Script: “I haven’t talked to you in forever! What’s new?”
These flying monkeys are reconnaissance specialists. They pop up out of nowhere, suddenly very interested in reconnecting. Every question is a data point for the narcissist.
After I blocked my abuser, several old contacts mysteriously reached out within the same week. “Hey! Long time no talk. How’s work? Still at the same place? How’s your FINRA case going?”
My FINRA case? How did they even know about that? Because the narcissist told them exactly what to ask.
How to Spot Them:
Timing coincides with going no-contact
Ask specific, probing questions
Show unusual interest in details
Disappear once they get information
4. The Unwitting Messenger
Their Script: “Oh by the way, [narcissist] wanted me to tell you…”
These flying monkeys genuinely believe they’re being helpful by passing along messages. They don’t realize they’re enabling continued contact despite your boundaries.
“Emily asked me to let you know she’s deleted everything and you don’t need to worry anymore.”
Translation: The narcissist is trying to control the narrative and test if they can still reach you through others.
How to Spot Them:
Casually drop “messages” from the narcissist
Act like they’re doing you a favor
Don’t understand why you’re upset
Say things like “I’m just the messenger”
5. The Aggressive Enforcer
Their Script: “You need to stop this vendetta against [narcissist] RIGHT NOW.”
These flying monkeys come in hot. They’re angry, threatening, and fully convinced you’re the villain. The narcissist has fed them a story that triggered their protective instincts.
I received aggressive emails from someone named “Hayden” — one of my abuser’s associates — warning me about “consequences” if I didn’t “follow the plan.” The tone was intimidating, mirroring exactly what my abuser wanted me to feel.
“The aggressive enforcer doesn’t realize they’re proving your point about the narcissist’s toxicity. Their harassment validates everything you’ve said.”
How to Spot Them:
Immediate aggression
Threats (veiled or direct)
Absolutely convinced of your guilt
Won’t listen to your side
6. The Professional Conspirator
Their Script: “I’m calling about some concerns regarding your conduct…”
This is the flying monkey with power. They use their professional position to carry out the narcissist’s attacks. They might be a colleague, a supervisor, or someone in a position of authority.
My abuser sent false complaints to my employer claiming I was using drugs. The email was signed “-Mark” but orchestrated by her. She knew attacking my professional life was my biggest vulnerability.
How to Spot Them:
Formal complaints that seem to come from nowhere
Professional consequences that don’t match any actual misconduct
Timing that aligns with narcissist’s threats
Information they shouldn’t have access to
7. The Replacement You
Their Script: “It’s so sad how things ended with you two. Anyway, we’re super close now…”
This flying monkey is the narcissist’s new supply, but they’re also weaponized against you. Their very existence is meant to trigger you, make you jealous, or make you doubt yourself.
They’ll often reach out to show how “happy” everyone is without you. How the narcissist is “doing so much better now.” How you were clearly the problem.
How to Spot Them:
Overshare about their relationship with narcissist
Passive-aggressive comments about your past relationship
Try to trigger jealousy or regret
Act superior or pitying
The Smear Campaign: How Flying Monkeys Spread the Poison
Flying monkeys aren’t random. They’re strategically chosen and carefully programmed. Here’s how the narcissist deploys them:
Step 1: The Setup Story
The narcissist crafts a narrative where they’re the victim and you’re the abuser. In my case, my therapist told people:
I was “unstable” and “harassing” her
She was “afraid” of me
I had “threatened” her and her child
She was just trying to “help” me but I turned on her
All lies. But delivered with tears and fear? Devastating effective.
Step 2: The Recruitment
The narcissist identifies people who:
Have access to you
Are empathetic (easier to manipulate)
Have something to gain (or lose)
Already have issues with you (old grudges)
They approach these people in “confidence,” sharing their “fear” and “concern.”
Step 3: The Mission Assignment
Each flying monkey gets a specific role:
Some gather information
Some apply pressure
Some spread the false narrative
Some attack directly
The narcissist maintains plausible deniability. “I never asked them to do that!”
Step 4: The Escalation
As you resist or expose the truth, the narcissist activates more flying monkeys. The attacks intensify. In my case, it escalated from concerned friends to anonymous threats to false reports to my employer.
The goal? Break you down until you either submit or are too damaged to be believed.
How to Neutralize Flying Monkeys Without Becoming One
Here’s the hardest truth: Fighting flying monkeys often creates more flying monkeys. If you attack them, you become the “crazy” person the narcissist described.
But you’re not helpless. Here’s your defense strategy:
1. The Gray Rock Method
Be boring. Excruciatingly boring.
Flying Monkey: “How’s everything going? Haven’t heard from you in a while!” You: “Fine. Busy with work. How about that weather?”
Give them nothing. No emotion. No information. No reaction.
2. The Broken Record
Pick one phrase. Repeat it endlessly.
Flying Monkey: “Emily’s really worried about you…” You: “I wish her well.” Flying Monkey: “She said you’ve been going through a hard time…” You: “I wish her well.” Flying Monkey: “Don’t you think you should talk to her?” You: “I wish her well.”
They can’t argue with well-wishes. They can’t twist it. They get nothing.
3. The Documentation Defense
Screenshot everything. Save every email. Record every interaction (where legal).
When my abuser’s flying monkeys sent threatening messages, I kept them all. When she later tried to play victim, I had proof of the harassment campaign.
Documentation doesn’t stop flying monkeys, but it protects you from their damage.
4. The Strategic Reveal
Sometimes, showing flying monkeys evidence of the narcissist’s lies can turn them into allies. But be selective. Only try this with flying monkeys who:
Seem genuinely confused
Have asked for your side
Have something to lose if they continue
I showed one mutual acquaintance the contract my abuser forced me to sign demanding $100,000. Their response? “Holy shit. I had no idea.”
Not all flying monkeys can be converted. But some are just manipulated people who will back off when they see the truth.
5. The Complete Cutoff
Sometimes the only winning move is not to play.
Block them all. Every flying monkey. Every potential flying monkey. Create a firewall around your life that the narcissist can’t penetrate.
Yes, you’ll lose some relationships. But you’ll keep your sanity.
“You can’t negotiate with terrorists. And you can’t reason with their accomplices.”
The Long Game: Why Flying Monkeys Eventually Crash
Here’s what narcissists don’t want you to know: Flying monkey relationships always self-destruct.
Why? Because narcissists can’t maintain genuine relationships. Eventually:
The flying monkey becomes the new target
They see the narcissist’s mask slip
They realize they were used
They become the next discard
I’ve watched several of my abuser’s flying monkeys reach out months later with apologies. “I had no idea.” “I see it now.” “I’m sorry I didn’t believe you.”
Too little, too late. But it proves an important point: Truth eventually surfaces.
Your Flying Monkey Survival Kit
Daily Practices:
Check your social media privacy settings
Google yourself regularly (see what’s out there)
Keep a log of strange contacts or incidents
Trust your gut about sudden “friendships”
Emergency Response:
Have template responses ready
Know your legal rights regarding harassment
Keep important documents backed up securely
Have at least one person who knows the full truth
Long-term Strategy:
Build relationships with people who never knew the narcissist
Create new routines that flying monkeys can’t predict
Consider legal protection if harassment escalates
Focus on your healing, not their redemption
The Ultimate Truth About Flying Monkeys
They’re victims too. Manipulated, used, and eventually discarded. But that doesn’t make them safe. A weaponized victim is still a weapon.
Your job isn’t to save them. It’s to save yourself.
My therapist deployed dozens of flying monkeys over two years. Some threatened my career. Some tried to gather intel. Some attempted to guilt me back into her web. Some even sent anonymous threats about my professional licenses.
But here’s what she didn’t count on: I kept receipts. I documented everything. And when I finally filed my formal complaint, her flying monkeys became evidence of her harassment campaign.
The narcissist thinks flying monkeys make them powerful. In reality, they reveal desperation. Secure people don’t need armies. Healthy people don’t orchestrate campaigns. Truth doesn’t require enforcement squads.
“Every flying monkey they send is proof that your escape terrifies them. You’ve won a battle they can’t admit they’re fighting.”
You’re Not Crazy. You’re Under Attack.
If you’re reading this while dodging flying monkeys, know this: You’re not paranoid. You’re not overreacting. You’re not the problem.
You’re surviving a coordinated psychological assault designed to break you. The fact that you’re still standing? That’s fucking heroic.
The flying monkeys will eventually tire. The narcissist will find new supply. The attacks will fade. But your freedom? That’s forever.
Block the monkeys. Document the attacks. Trust your truth. And remember — the best revenge against a narcissist who deployed an army against you?
Building a life so beautiful they become irrelevant.
The witch needed flying monkeys because she couldn’t face Dorothy alone. What does that tell you about who really has the power?
— Cody Taymore
Kill The Silence
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Your page has been a lifesaver! It’s so easy to feel like you’re the only one dealing with stuff like this—the narcissist definitely tries to isolate you and make you think you’re crazy.
My crazy stalker ex-boyfriend kept sending them for five years after we broke up. I think the only thing that stopped them was the lockdowns.
I broke up with him in private the first time. But flying monkeys kept telling me I hadn’t done a formal breakup. So I broke up with him again in public a a party.
I offered to break up again with another group of people watching and listening, but he ran away from that offer.
There was one woman, a mutual acquaintance, who he had always bad mouthed behind her back, who took me aside, to check to see if I was being held prisoner by my parents, because that was the lie he told her.
I kept my temper, and said ‘I drove here by myself in my own car, what do you think?’ Then I asked if she would give me some advice about what to do with my ex. She told me she didn’t want to hear about it. I was trying to get an older woman’s advice on what to do about him staking out my house and tailing me in his car whenever he wasn’t at work. I really have never forgiven her for that.
And the answer I now know, is to call the cops every time so you have a record, it may not be illegal, but it’s great for evidence for why you need a restraining order.