"You finally meet someone who is consistent and kind. They text back when they say they will. They show up when they promise. And somehow they feel boring. Your brain craves the person who keeps you guessing"...
Ohhhhhh, reading this part is definitely like holding a mirror to my face 😖
Hah! Perfect timing. I'm reading a book about retraining the amygdala and there was a part about calming visualizations. I realized that I don't find waterfalls and babbling brooks calming. I want a busy, noisy city. I want Cyberpunk 2077. I got up and recorded some video of bustling markets from the game. Typical calm scenes feel empty - I am soothed by activity. It makes the world feel expansive, like things are possible.
Well said. With trauma, "calm is simply the calm before the storm". Retrainining the brain-once you are truly and consistently safe-can help you actually FEEL safe. It's not easy or simple, but possible.
Cody, this is resonating. Staying with silence and feeling safe with calm has taken immense immense immense work over the years. Retraining the body, rewriting the mind, and showing myself what it truly feels to choose the life i deeply desire. One of love, calm, and joy.
Joy yet feels far but i do taste calm and love with safety.
This pattern of survivor also shows up in my work and career.
Nervous system regulation and training is so important when you’ve lived in chaos all your life! Like you said - becomes your baseline.
I really relate to this because I lived it for many years. When I first met my husband, we fell in love instantly, but I expected it not to last because I always screwed up my other relationships due to my own chaos. I finally learned to trust him, and it’s been 11 years and counting.
I remember early on he said he wanted to talk about something, and I said, “Don’t bother, I know you’re going to dump me. I’m used to it.” But I was completely wrong, and it really surprised me. That’s when I knew he was one of the “good ones.”
Thank you for writing this. I bet a lot of people don’t realize they are doing this.
"You finally meet someone who is consistent and kind. They text back when they say they will. They show up when they promise. And somehow they feel boring. Your brain craves the person who keeps you guessing"...
Ohhhhhh, reading this part is definitely like holding a mirror to my face 😖
Overall, very insightful analysis - thank you...
Hah! Perfect timing. I'm reading a book about retraining the amygdala and there was a part about calming visualizations. I realized that I don't find waterfalls and babbling brooks calming. I want a busy, noisy city. I want Cyberpunk 2077. I got up and recorded some video of bustling markets from the game. Typical calm scenes feel empty - I am soothed by activity. It makes the world feel expansive, like things are possible.
Well said. With trauma, "calm is simply the calm before the storm". Retrainining the brain-once you are truly and consistently safe-can help you actually FEEL safe. It's not easy or simple, but possible.
Cody, this is resonating. Staying with silence and feeling safe with calm has taken immense immense immense work over the years. Retraining the body, rewriting the mind, and showing myself what it truly feels to choose the life i deeply desire. One of love, calm, and joy.
Joy yet feels far but i do taste calm and love with safety.
This pattern of survivor also shows up in my work and career.
Nervous system regulation and training is so important when you’ve lived in chaos all your life! Like you said - becomes your baseline.
I really relate to this because I lived it for many years. When I first met my husband, we fell in love instantly, but I expected it not to last because I always screwed up my other relationships due to my own chaos. I finally learned to trust him, and it’s been 11 years and counting.
I remember early on he said he wanted to talk about something, and I said, “Don’t bother, I know you’re going to dump me. I’m used to it.” But I was completely wrong, and it really surprised me. That’s when I knew he was one of the “good ones.”
Thank you for writing this. I bet a lot of people don’t realize they are doing this.
When geniune comfort is seen as a threat, a potential source of annihilation, that's definitely a red flag...
I never thought of it this way. That my attraction to chaos was not madness, but survival. Thank you for this, Cody!