......Someone installed a voice in you that says you’re not enough. You can uninstall it. You can replace it. You can tell it to go fuck itself and mean it.....
Thank you! This is a salvation article is for me! I, too, tried to end my life a few times. And it was because everyone made me feel unlovable and a liar when I know it was truth, and wrong all the time. But really I was just being kind, and loving and wanting to help people in any way I could. It was family that did this to me. Starting with my mother and ending today.
Do you know why, Cody? Because I have decided right now to like myself! Heck, I might even love myself! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. 💕
I just watched the John Candy documentary called "I Like Me" and then I read your article and now I'm walking around going, "I like me" over and over and over. Am I reading too much into this coincidence? Maybe. Does it matter? Nope. I like me.
Cody, this is really going to help people. My life completely changed when I started showing myself (and younger versions of me) love and compassion. It’s so much better than the guilt, shame and blame and self hate. Thank you for writing it.
Those same parents who didn't reflect your feelings to teach you how to do it set you up for those borderline traits of not trusting yourself and constantly looking for external validation (and feeling like a magnet for people who can't be honest). Hey, it could be worse. Apparently every schizophrenic has a story where their parent said one thing and acted completely differently simultaneously. That could be another reason to not like yourself, the ways you are like those broken people who raised you, and the ways you're not because you've gone so far in the opposite direction. On Patrick Teehan's recommendation I'm reading No One Is To Blame (he implied it was a little wacky and he's right) but it's about overcoming this exactly.
I also read a study that might interest you. They examined what happened when people were asked to write a shame story. They took longer, wrote more (classic perfectionism) and spent the whole time fighting mind wandering. Sound familiar to you? Other people were asked to write a pride story and they hammered it out without labouring over it and mind wandering. The positive effects were mitigated by self compassion, I assume because that puts you in the zone where you *need* compassion. So it seems we avoid shame automatically with mind wandering. Not great when you are hypervigilant for shame triggers. The more useless you are, the more useless you are. Anyway, if you want to get something done prime for pride. Self compassion can be for when you are questioning those negative beliefs (and boy do we need self compassion) but not on a deadline.
Remember this hurt people, hurt people. I have suffered from the abuse of people forever bc I feel they desired what I had , did and had become and therefore decided to hurt me bc they were hurt and broken themselves. Give ‘em grace, be the better person and do better another day. It’s all I can do to get by and go on with life.
This here…you have personally wrote something that is very close to me.. There are so many layers in this that I could peel back. I have been through some relationships that have been a form of mental and emotional abuse. You sharing these topics are so important and obviously very relatable. It makes someone who has been through any portion of this abuse, feel seen, feel love and feel normal. Thank you
This is so powerful, Cody. Thank you for sharing. Your voice is such a necessary one in this space and I appreciate your honesty. I feel like the way we talk about severe depression and suicidal ideation needs to change. It’s not a one and done thing. When it comes from a trauma that can’t be swept away, it isn’t just “I’m healed now and it’s over”. It’s a lifelong battle. Society needs to treat it like one. We need to treat it like a cancer. Sometimes we’re in remission, sometimes it’s an active battle. We’re always fighting for our lives. And everyone who wins that battle—is a survivor.
Thank you for this!!!
......Someone installed a voice in you that says you’re not enough. You can uninstall it. You can replace it. You can tell it to go fuck itself and mean it.....
Your voice here is a healing gift. Thank you for choosing to stay ✨
"Self hatred is an injury someone gave you." Wow. This is a great article, Cody. You're doing important work here.
"You survived too. That means something. That means everything." This is a very powerful piece. You are an inspiration. 🫶🏻
Reading this was f’n eerie. Our stories seem to be overwhelmingly similar. 👀
Well said and an amazing article Cody!! I love your voice, your honesty, your authenticity, and your heart!!
Thank you! This is a salvation article is for me! I, too, tried to end my life a few times. And it was because everyone made me feel unlovable and a liar when I know it was truth, and wrong all the time. But really I was just being kind, and loving and wanting to help people in any way I could. It was family that did this to me. Starting with my mother and ending today.
Do you know why, Cody? Because I have decided right now to like myself! Heck, I might even love myself! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. 💕
I just watched the John Candy documentary called "I Like Me" and then I read your article and now I'm walking around going, "I like me" over and over and over. Am I reading too much into this coincidence? Maybe. Does it matter? Nope. I like me.
This made my day Kari.
I will have to check out that documentary :)
It's so good.
Cody, this is really going to help people. My life completely changed when I started showing myself (and younger versions of me) love and compassion. It’s so much better than the guilt, shame and blame and self hate. Thank you for writing it.
Really cutting through the crap.
May need to read every day.
Those same parents who didn't reflect your feelings to teach you how to do it set you up for those borderline traits of not trusting yourself and constantly looking for external validation (and feeling like a magnet for people who can't be honest). Hey, it could be worse. Apparently every schizophrenic has a story where their parent said one thing and acted completely differently simultaneously. That could be another reason to not like yourself, the ways you are like those broken people who raised you, and the ways you're not because you've gone so far in the opposite direction. On Patrick Teehan's recommendation I'm reading No One Is To Blame (he implied it was a little wacky and he's right) but it's about overcoming this exactly.
I also read a study that might interest you. They examined what happened when people were asked to write a shame story. They took longer, wrote more (classic perfectionism) and spent the whole time fighting mind wandering. Sound familiar to you? Other people were asked to write a pride story and they hammered it out without labouring over it and mind wandering. The positive effects were mitigated by self compassion, I assume because that puts you in the zone where you *need* compassion. So it seems we avoid shame automatically with mind wandering. Not great when you are hypervigilant for shame triggers. The more useless you are, the more useless you are. Anyway, if you want to get something done prime for pride. Self compassion can be for when you are questioning those negative beliefs (and boy do we need self compassion) but not on a deadline.
Amazing post! Hope you see the impact you’re making.
Remember this hurt people, hurt people. I have suffered from the abuse of people forever bc I feel they desired what I had , did and had become and therefore decided to hurt me bc they were hurt and broken themselves. Give ‘em grace, be the better person and do better another day. It’s all I can do to get by and go on with life.
This here…you have personally wrote something that is very close to me.. There are so many layers in this that I could peel back. I have been through some relationships that have been a form of mental and emotional abuse. You sharing these topics are so important and obviously very relatable. It makes someone who has been through any portion of this abuse, feel seen, feel love and feel normal. Thank you
This is so powerful, Cody. Thank you for sharing. Your voice is such a necessary one in this space and I appreciate your honesty. I feel like the way we talk about severe depression and suicidal ideation needs to change. It’s not a one and done thing. When it comes from a trauma that can’t be swept away, it isn’t just “I’m healed now and it’s over”. It’s a lifelong battle. Society needs to treat it like one. We need to treat it like a cancer. Sometimes we’re in remission, sometimes it’s an active battle. We’re always fighting for our lives. And everyone who wins that battle—is a survivor.
Thank you so much.