You left out the part about the friends or even spouses you lose because you don't drink with them anymore, how you don't feel like a "fun" person anymore, how you feel left out. The rest was dead on! Thought I was the only one who now sees how fucked up movies, songs and books are telling and showing us that drinking is how you solve everything. It's the opposite. Thank you for sharing all of this! In this boat with you or beside you, whichever feels right to you:)
"The book explained how society programs us to believe we need alcohol. Every movie showing stress relieved by wine. Every ad connecting beer to friendship. Every joke about “mommy juice.” We’re literally brainwashed from childhood to believe alcohol equals fun, relaxation, sophistication, adulthood." And "You’re human with human problems looking for human solutions." I don't drink. Never have. I feared dependency all my life. I suppose this is the positive side of growing up seeing it. But no, because in the end I chose. We always choose. But this essay is so good. As all of your work, it is not only what you are specifically speaking about - dependency, being hustled, etc - it can be applied to everything. The main concepts for fully functioning, fully living, fully loving are there. From this, I continue to question how conditioned we all are to believe what we believe we need. And how dependent we are on the lies we are fed. And how this steals from our life, from our being human - because more often than not, the solutions we are being fed are not human solutions. Thank you for your honesty. Another great essay. xo
I felt that line about hot showers like gospel, the honesty of survival stripped of performance. You’ve turned what most hide in shame into a manual for self-respect. That... that’s resurrection through clarity.
150% with ya, Cody! I have tried to get on the AA bandwagon. and can never get past the very real shaming energy. People will say, "That's just your projection, blah blah! But that is not true for me. I don't know if it's the Judeo-Christian tenets that are built into the steps, or what, but the shaming, sometimes subtle, sometimes overt, is real!
I've circled through the rooms countless times over the decades after I've shaken the grip of the poison, hoping against hope my experience in the room will be more inclusive and accepting without the need for me to perform sobriety perfectly. I mean, the whole raise your hand for the first 30 days is bullshit! What I feel like I should be saying is "Hello, my name is Jody, and I'm a. LOSER!"
I am happy that AA is there for those it's a fit for. About 80% of it isn't. For me, the only part that I think is useful is being in a room with people who have been where you've been and understand what you've suffered, cuz they have too. That said, just cuz people are "sober "and in AA doesn't mean they're sane! All those people in bars I wouldn't hang out with outside of the bar, sitting next to them on a bar stool are the same people in the rooms and for the most part ,I wouldn't choose to hang with them sober either. So there's that...
And furthermore, the self-righteous sanctimony I hear coming from some of the zealots in the rooms just makes me bristle!
So good on ya for finding your own path of recovery! That is what I've done! I figured out (through massive research over decades!) a set of actions and tools that work for me! Not a blueprint of someone else's path of recovery ( a group of old men in suits from 100 years ago? We do not live in the same world).
I don't "identify" as an alcoholic. Does anyone say when introducing themselves, "Hello, I'm so and so, and I'm a cancer survivor or a diabetic"? NO. I may say I'm on a path of recovery, but identifying as an alcoholic, though? No two ways about it. In society, there is no positive association with that label. You are deemed pathetic, sad, or weak. It's as if to say you are announcing to the world you are broken and always will be. Nope. can't buy it.
So rock on sister! Stay the course, your OWN course!. And I'm truly sorry for what you've gone thru with your therapist! And all the other hard shit! You are clearly a powerhouse whose got your own back! 💥💥💥💥
Thanks for sharing. This is a thought provoking piece.
Annie’s book and her whole philosophy is one that supports, encourages and inspires change. I gave up alcohol for a year in 2021/2022 and it changed my relationship with alcohol forever. I drink occasionally now but can take it or leave it.
I was lucky enough to be on Annie’s podcast 😁 not sure if this link will work. Episode 717.
This all so true, one can't be shamed into healing. I've been away from my blackout drinking of decades long enough that the physical dependency is gone, but I've never got my dopamine working. I located that book from my library & I'm going to give the dispensary another try. Thank you! You are helpful, Cody, showing us what healing looks like.
You left out the part about the friends or even spouses you lose because you don't drink with them anymore, how you don't feel like a "fun" person anymore, how you feel left out. The rest was dead on! Thought I was the only one who now sees how fucked up movies, songs and books are telling and showing us that drinking is how you solve everything. It's the opposite. Thank you for sharing all of this! In this boat with you or beside you, whichever feels right to you:)
Because healing happens in kindness, not cruelty! This!!!
"The book explained how society programs us to believe we need alcohol. Every movie showing stress relieved by wine. Every ad connecting beer to friendship. Every joke about “mommy juice.” We’re literally brainwashed from childhood to believe alcohol equals fun, relaxation, sophistication, adulthood." And "You’re human with human problems looking for human solutions." I don't drink. Never have. I feared dependency all my life. I suppose this is the positive side of growing up seeing it. But no, because in the end I chose. We always choose. But this essay is so good. As all of your work, it is not only what you are specifically speaking about - dependency, being hustled, etc - it can be applied to everything. The main concepts for fully functioning, fully living, fully loving are there. From this, I continue to question how conditioned we all are to believe what we believe we need. And how dependent we are on the lies we are fed. And how this steals from our life, from our being human - because more often than not, the solutions we are being fed are not human solutions. Thank you for your honesty. Another great essay. xo
Ps look at your dm.
And the incredible bulk of lies that are passing for truth.
It is another language for many people. I see things clearly as you do. Not easy, but I'd rather know. Thanks for reaching out. xo
Thank you Danni. Most people don't realized how conditioned this whole consuming and opinion based society is.
Well said!
This is great, Cody. I’m really proud of you. It’s not an easy thing to quit. I just shared this with my husband, hoping he will find it inspiring.
Thank you Glenna! I really take that as a huge compliment. I appreciate you sharing :)
Thank you Cody for sharing your story and inspiring people 🙏🏽
I felt that line about hot showers like gospel, the honesty of survival stripped of performance. You’ve turned what most hide in shame into a manual for self-respect. That... that’s resurrection through clarity.
150% with ya, Cody! I have tried to get on the AA bandwagon. and can never get past the very real shaming energy. People will say, "That's just your projection, blah blah! But that is not true for me. I don't know if it's the Judeo-Christian tenets that are built into the steps, or what, but the shaming, sometimes subtle, sometimes overt, is real!
I've circled through the rooms countless times over the decades after I've shaken the grip of the poison, hoping against hope my experience in the room will be more inclusive and accepting without the need for me to perform sobriety perfectly. I mean, the whole raise your hand for the first 30 days is bullshit! What I feel like I should be saying is "Hello, my name is Jody, and I'm a. LOSER!"
I am happy that AA is there for those it's a fit for. About 80% of it isn't. For me, the only part that I think is useful is being in a room with people who have been where you've been and understand what you've suffered, cuz they have too. That said, just cuz people are "sober "and in AA doesn't mean they're sane! All those people in bars I wouldn't hang out with outside of the bar, sitting next to them on a bar stool are the same people in the rooms and for the most part ,I wouldn't choose to hang with them sober either. So there's that...
And furthermore, the self-righteous sanctimony I hear coming from some of the zealots in the rooms just makes me bristle!
So good on ya for finding your own path of recovery! That is what I've done! I figured out (through massive research over decades!) a set of actions and tools that work for me! Not a blueprint of someone else's path of recovery ( a group of old men in suits from 100 years ago? We do not live in the same world).
I don't "identify" as an alcoholic. Does anyone say when introducing themselves, "Hello, I'm so and so, and I'm a cancer survivor or a diabetic"? NO. I may say I'm on a path of recovery, but identifying as an alcoholic, though? No two ways about it. In society, there is no positive association with that label. You are deemed pathetic, sad, or weak. It's as if to say you are announcing to the world you are broken and always will be. Nope. can't buy it.
So rock on sister! Stay the course, your OWN course!. And I'm truly sorry for what you've gone thru with your therapist! And all the other hard shit! You are clearly a powerhouse whose got your own back! 💥💥💥💥
Thanks for sharing. This is a thought provoking piece.
Annie’s book and her whole philosophy is one that supports, encourages and inspires change. I gave up alcohol for a year in 2021/2022 and it changed my relationship with alcohol forever. I drink occasionally now but can take it or leave it.
I was lucky enough to be on Annie’s podcast 😁 not sure if this link will work. Episode 717.
https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/this-naked-mind-podcast/id1287269357?i=1000663400782
This all so true, one can't be shamed into healing. I've been away from my blackout drinking of decades long enough that the physical dependency is gone, but I've never got my dopamine working. I located that book from my library & I'm going to give the dispensary another try. Thank you! You are helpful, Cody, showing us what healing looks like.
Shared!😃🫠
Thank you🙏🏽