Cody-- Thank you so much. I just read this and you answered my questions and helped me see addiction way more profoundly than ever before. Please keep teaching and guiding people to help understand that pain is the driver. I've been through the undoing of my pain but there is still more to wrestle with especially in our current culture. I think it's deep shame. I know it is for me. Please keep posting about this issue. We need to understand the why and how to help others who are still struggling.
Thank you, Cody. I started my substance abuse at age 14, loving how it took all my anxiety away and made me feel “happy.” Years later, I was in AA and thought I was among my best friends. When I relapsed, they all dumped me without a word. I realized they were trying to protect their own sobriety, but I thought it was so unfair that they were only my friends when I was sober.
I know addiction has likely knocked years off my life, but my PTSD is so severe, and it does provide some relief at times. Living in the world is hard when you’re terrified all the time. Thanks for giving me some things to think about.
Hello Glenna, thank you for sharing this part of your life. I still do not know how to manage, I don’t have the required skills to stop suffering. So often, I want to give it all up. I surely will, actually. I am "terrified all the time", just like you are. All.The.Time. I don’t know how I will turn out, but things are not looking too good for the future... thank you again, dear Glenna. Sending warmth.
Thanks for writing, Angelique. One thing that has helped me quite a bit is taking the love and compassion i feel for others and turning it back on myself. At first, it felt totally fake because I was used to hating myself, but I kept doing it and actually started to feel some of that love. As soon as I got rid of all my guilt and shame and replaced it with positive feelings towards myself, I started getting better every day with less anxiety about the future. I hope this helps. I know it's really hard sometimes.
Functional addicts are such interesting people. It's remarkable how they manage to match (and oftentimes surpass) the competition of their peers while still juggling their addictive habits. Having grown up so close to people struggling with addiction, your points carry weight, and love is such a great path to healing. The main issue between addicts and those trying to assist them (whether professionals or not) seems to be a gap of emotional intelligence via both parties. The addicts are almost invariably battling an underlying emotional struggle that is misunderstood or altogether unknown to the person trying to offer help. In this way, transparency seems to be the route to healing. It helps to diminish shame on behalf of the user and helps prevent those trying to help from overstepping and, as you rightly highlight, mistakenly "making it all about them." Humanizing addiction and the battles we wage is the key to empathy. Only with empathy can we heal.
This absolutely chills me to the bone. I have 3 of 4 children (grown) who struggle with addiction. I’ve known that their hearts are broken from their childhood trauma. They are all dealing with it differently. To the one who is hiding his using, and going deeper into the types of drugs, I wonder how to best support him. It’s all secretive. He’s getting ready to lose his family. How to talk to him?
Years ago I read an article titled "it's not you, it's your cage" about how the original scientific experiments upon which we built the modern theories about drug addiction was flawed. Those experiments were famous, and involved drug addicted lab rats given the choice between water laced with drugs and clean water. The rats were housed in laboratory settings, isolated by themselves with no entertainment, socializing or enrichment provided. Inevitably the rats fell into addiction and many died. Decades later, someone repeated those experiments, except they changed the conditions in which the rats were housed. This time, they provided the company of other rats, toys and enrichment activities to alleviate boredom. These experiments yielded an appreciable difference in the rates of both addiction and death from overdose.
Given my background of abuse, I consider myself lucky, since I've never been addicted to any harmful substances. I can't imagine how difficult that must be, but this essay really helps me to see where and how it all originates.
However, my own addiction, which runs to the core of my being, is to brutally negative self-talk, which, in turn is rooted in self-loathing. Years of therapy have revealed how this came about, but mere insight hasn't really helped.
Anyway, the following sentence in this gritty, helpful essay really stood out: "It wasn’t until I learned to talk to myself with kindness instead of cruelty that anything changed."
The key, I suppose is to figure out how to do this. Step 1: Print out the above sentence and plaster it anywhere I can.
To anyone struggling with any form of addiction: You are loved. You're a warrior. Please stay the course, any way you can.
Cody-- Thank you so much. I just read this and you answered my questions and helped me see addiction way more profoundly than ever before. Please keep teaching and guiding people to help understand that pain is the driver. I've been through the undoing of my pain but there is still more to wrestle with especially in our current culture. I think it's deep shame. I know it is for me. Please keep posting about this issue. We need to understand the why and how to help others who are still struggling.
Thank you, Cody. I started my substance abuse at age 14, loving how it took all my anxiety away and made me feel “happy.” Years later, I was in AA and thought I was among my best friends. When I relapsed, they all dumped me without a word. I realized they were trying to protect their own sobriety, but I thought it was so unfair that they were only my friends when I was sober.
I know addiction has likely knocked years off my life, but my PTSD is so severe, and it does provide some relief at times. Living in the world is hard when you’re terrified all the time. Thanks for giving me some things to think about.
Hello Glenna, thank you for sharing this part of your life. I still do not know how to manage, I don’t have the required skills to stop suffering. So often, I want to give it all up. I surely will, actually. I am "terrified all the time", just like you are. All.The.Time. I don’t know how I will turn out, but things are not looking too good for the future... thank you again, dear Glenna. Sending warmth.
Thanks for writing, Angelique. One thing that has helped me quite a bit is taking the love and compassion i feel for others and turning it back on myself. At first, it felt totally fake because I was used to hating myself, but I kept doing it and actually started to feel some of that love. As soon as I got rid of all my guilt and shame and replaced it with positive feelings towards myself, I started getting better every day with less anxiety about the future. I hope this helps. I know it's really hard sometimes.
Functional addicts are such interesting people. It's remarkable how they manage to match (and oftentimes surpass) the competition of their peers while still juggling their addictive habits. Having grown up so close to people struggling with addiction, your points carry weight, and love is such a great path to healing. The main issue between addicts and those trying to assist them (whether professionals or not) seems to be a gap of emotional intelligence via both parties. The addicts are almost invariably battling an underlying emotional struggle that is misunderstood or altogether unknown to the person trying to offer help. In this way, transparency seems to be the route to healing. It helps to diminish shame on behalf of the user and helps prevent those trying to help from overstepping and, as you rightly highlight, mistakenly "making it all about them." Humanizing addiction and the battles we wage is the key to empathy. Only with empathy can we heal.
This absolutely chills me to the bone. I have 3 of 4 children (grown) who struggle with addiction. I’ve known that their hearts are broken from their childhood trauma. They are all dealing with it differently. To the one who is hiding his using, and going deeper into the types of drugs, I wonder how to best support him. It’s all secretive. He’s getting ready to lose his family. How to talk to him?
Years ago I read an article titled "it's not you, it's your cage" about how the original scientific experiments upon which we built the modern theories about drug addiction was flawed. Those experiments were famous, and involved drug addicted lab rats given the choice between water laced with drugs and clean water. The rats were housed in laboratory settings, isolated by themselves with no entertainment, socializing or enrichment provided. Inevitably the rats fell into addiction and many died. Decades later, someone repeated those experiments, except they changed the conditions in which the rats were housed. This time, they provided the company of other rats, toys and enrichment activities to alleviate boredom. These experiments yielded an appreciable difference in the rates of both addiction and death from overdose.
Brutal truths! Well written and worthy of re-stacking. Thank you for sharing your journey and being a beacon of light for others! 💜💜💜
Thank you for sharing this. To understand reduces the stigmatization of addiction and opens the way to recovery. ❤️🩹
I love this Cody thank you.
Given my background of abuse, I consider myself lucky, since I've never been addicted to any harmful substances. I can't imagine how difficult that must be, but this essay really helps me to see where and how it all originates.
However, my own addiction, which runs to the core of my being, is to brutally negative self-talk, which, in turn is rooted in self-loathing. Years of therapy have revealed how this came about, but mere insight hasn't really helped.
Anyway, the following sentence in this gritty, helpful essay really stood out: "It wasn’t until I learned to talk to myself with kindness instead of cruelty that anything changed."
The key, I suppose is to figure out how to do this. Step 1: Print out the above sentence and plaster it anywhere I can.
To anyone struggling with any form of addiction: You are loved. You're a warrior. Please stay the course, any way you can.