Very very important! Thank you so much for this--so many empathic people need to know this. It's easy to feel shame and to make ourselves wrong when we simply were needing healing. Please keep writing and telling everyone this -- I wish I had known years ago.
Wow, Cody, this is a really well-crafted article, and something I can relate strongly to. Tell you what, I really wish I'd read something like this about four or five years ago when I was going through the unwinding of my own worst trauma bond, one that in the discard phase triggered a re-traumatizations of my worst day of childhood. It almost killed me (the plug is, I wrote about it..follow me if that's if interest).
No article to guide me and very much on my own (I never did theapy and I make no apologies for that), I did have a couple of insightful people suggest 'trauma bond'. Only a couple. And I really hung on to that for dear life because most of the advice was along the lines of what you're talking about—the well-meaning but very destructive advice like 'let it go' and 'just think about something else' and 'you just sound obsessed'.
I did get through it eventually, talking years here, with the help of some insightful fellow travelers, myself, and my spiritual life, and a whole ton of shadow work and inner child work, which is still ongoing. And that's why I'm on Substack, actually. I started writing about it last year in real-time, and it seems like we're on similar paths, so I'm really glad to have come across yours.
I am so grateful that the algorithms sent me your post. This information is helping process the trauama of a short-lived, abusive relationship I just left.
I went to one CODA (Codependents Anonymous) meeting because my narc ex thought I needed it. I felt like I was intruding, as I listened to people’s tender stories.
I hear “heal your codependency” and I continue to push back (in YouTube comments and with my ill-informed, Walmart-brand counselor).
Realizing and that I’m not codependent, after having taken attachment style quizzes— which indicate that I have a secure attachment style— caused a kind of grief and self-rejection.
The question that plagues is, “why did I end up with someone like this?!” I understand now that attachment style doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with esteem.
Very very important! Thank you so much for this--so many empathic people need to know this. It's easy to feel shame and to make ourselves wrong when we simply were needing healing. Please keep writing and telling everyone this -- I wish I had known years ago.
Wow, Cody, this is a really well-crafted article, and something I can relate strongly to. Tell you what, I really wish I'd read something like this about four or five years ago when I was going through the unwinding of my own worst trauma bond, one that in the discard phase triggered a re-traumatizations of my worst day of childhood. It almost killed me (the plug is, I wrote about it..follow me if that's if interest).
No article to guide me and very much on my own (I never did theapy and I make no apologies for that), I did have a couple of insightful people suggest 'trauma bond'. Only a couple. And I really hung on to that for dear life because most of the advice was along the lines of what you're talking about—the well-meaning but very destructive advice like 'let it go' and 'just think about something else' and 'you just sound obsessed'.
I did get through it eventually, talking years here, with the help of some insightful fellow travelers, myself, and my spiritual life, and a whole ton of shadow work and inner child work, which is still ongoing. And that's why I'm on Substack, actually. I started writing about it last year in real-time, and it seems like we're on similar paths, so I'm really glad to have come across yours.
Thank you for the article. 🙏
I am so grateful that the algorithms sent me your post. This information is helping process the trauama of a short-lived, abusive relationship I just left.
Thank you for sharing how to heal from the abuse.
This was really well laid out and I loved that there was such grace and compassion woven i to all the freaking garb that’s often out there. Thank you
This is wonderful- full of brilliant insight. Thank you! I needed to read this.
#3 is a doozy. Esp when it's family and you've had to make it okay when you were younger to survive.
Brilliant and heartbreaking post. Thanks for shining a light.
I went to one CODA (Codependents Anonymous) meeting because my narc ex thought I needed it. I felt like I was intruding, as I listened to people’s tender stories.
I hear “heal your codependency” and I continue to push back (in YouTube comments and with my ill-informed, Walmart-brand counselor).
Realizing and that I’m not codependent, after having taken attachment style quizzes— which indicate that I have a secure attachment style— caused a kind of grief and self-rejection.
The question that plagues is, “why did I end up with someone like this?!” I understand now that attachment style doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with esteem.
I really appreciate you!
Forgiveness and a relationship with Jesus is the only way to freedom in this world. Trauma or hurt is universal in the human experience. 💗
Thanks for your opinion Angela!
Dude why do I see your things just when I need to?
No words as of yet. At the beginning of the end. A lifetime of drama. I wont do it any more. I wont tolerate it any more. 🙏🏼