My ex-husband (massive narc) used to tell me that my two young sons from my first marriage didn’t need me and they’d be much better off without me (they primarily lived with their dad). He said it so often that I started to believe him. I hated myself and felt I had nothing to add to their lives.
Once I divorced my ex, I found out the boys had been waiting for me all along. I went through hell, but I think that’s the cruelest thing he did to me. I’m overjoyed to say that the boys and I are extremely close now, and nothing will ever come between us again.
Narcissists are incredibly dangerous, and this article has the potential to defuse them. I wish I had these tips back then, but I’m sure glad to have them now.
I experienced some of the same, GLENNA, but I was court awarded primary custodial parent. Didn't stop him from, with his parents, trying to get my son away from me. It didn't happen. I found a really good family lawyer who knew the law backwards and forwards and had the judge's bench book on his desk for reference. The moment my son turned 18 it was moot. Now he's a wonderful young man in his late 20s. We have an amazing relationship. I'm thrilled to hear you and your boys are doing well. That warms my heart.
This hit close to home. Have you met my mother? She’s a narcissist, and I’ve lived many of the things you describe. The walking on eggshells, the constant explaining, the guilt for having boundaries — it all feels painfully familiar.
What I really appreciate here is how you name the shift so clearly: that freedom doesn’t come from fighting back, but from stepping out. The moment you stop feeding the dynamic — through explanation, emotion, or defense — everything changes.
Indifference, boundaries, quiet happiness… they’re not revenge, they’re recovery. And the peace that follows is its own kind of power.
Cody I’m very impressed by how you have taken what sounds like a difficult personal history, and distilled what you learned into wisdom for the rest of us.
As a sensitive, heart-centred person I WAS a narcissists' dream. Not anymore. Today when I encounter them and they try to draw me in I discover it quickly and disengage. They do everything they can't to guilt you, gaslight you, blame you accuse you, and diminish you. The problem is they are the least likely people to ever acknowledge that they're doing any of this or that anything at all is their responsibility. No thanks. Hard pass. Thanks for the reminders.
This piece hits hard and shines a light that’s been in the shadows for too long. Thank you for naming what’s hard to say, for giving words to the wound and hope to what lies beyond it. The nightmare doesn’t win when we choose truth over silence.
I sold my business to a “friend” who wound up being the biggest narcissist ever. He’s trying to screw me over, he owes me over $100,000.00. I’m trying hard to handle the situation as best I can without feeding his sickness. It’s quite the challenge.
My ex-husband (massive narc) used to tell me that my two young sons from my first marriage didn’t need me and they’d be much better off without me (they primarily lived with their dad). He said it so often that I started to believe him. I hated myself and felt I had nothing to add to their lives.
Once I divorced my ex, I found out the boys had been waiting for me all along. I went through hell, but I think that’s the cruelest thing he did to me. I’m overjoyed to say that the boys and I are extremely close now, and nothing will ever come between us again.
Narcissists are incredibly dangerous, and this article has the potential to defuse them. I wish I had these tips back then, but I’m sure glad to have them now.
Wow Glenna thank you for sharing this.
I have my moments where I wish I would’ve had these things sooner as well. Better late than never :)
I experienced some of the same, GLENNA, but I was court awarded primary custodial parent. Didn't stop him from, with his parents, trying to get my son away from me. It didn't happen. I found a really good family lawyer who knew the law backwards and forwards and had the judge's bench book on his desk for reference. The moment my son turned 18 it was moot. Now he's a wonderful young man in his late 20s. We have an amazing relationship. I'm thrilled to hear you and your boys are doing well. That warms my heart.
This hit close to home. Have you met my mother? She’s a narcissist, and I’ve lived many of the things you describe. The walking on eggshells, the constant explaining, the guilt for having boundaries — it all feels painfully familiar.
What I really appreciate here is how you name the shift so clearly: that freedom doesn’t come from fighting back, but from stepping out. The moment you stop feeding the dynamic — through explanation, emotion, or defense — everything changes.
Indifference, boundaries, quiet happiness… they’re not revenge, they’re recovery. And the peace that follows is its own kind of power.
This could save lives. Thank you for writing it.
Thank you Prachi I really appreciate that.
Cody I’m very impressed by how you have taken what sounds like a difficult personal history, and distilled what you learned into wisdom for the rest of us.
Carry on.
As a sensitive, heart-centred person I WAS a narcissists' dream. Not anymore. Today when I encounter them and they try to draw me in I discover it quickly and disengage. They do everything they can't to guilt you, gaslight you, blame you accuse you, and diminish you. The problem is they are the least likely people to ever acknowledge that they're doing any of this or that anything at all is their responsibility. No thanks. Hard pass. Thanks for the reminders.
Helpful.
I wish I knew and understood all this long ago. I am 70 and missed a lot of living for not knowing what the fuck was going on.
Well I would still rather be me than a gaslighting narcissist.
This piece hits hard and shines a light that’s been in the shadows for too long. Thank you for naming what’s hard to say, for giving words to the wound and hope to what lies beyond it. The nightmare doesn’t win when we choose truth over silence.
Powerful words that I strongly agree with Belinda. Thank you.
Great stuff! I hope this will help people. 🫰
I sold my business to a “friend” who wound up being the biggest narcissist ever. He’s trying to screw me over, he owes me over $100,000.00. I’m trying hard to handle the situation as best I can without feeding his sickness. It’s quite the challenge.
Been there Charisse! Use a stick, no carrot. These great articles by Cody have been so helpful to me! Hang in there!
And thanks Cody! As always.