Telling anyone to “let it go “ is insensitive & cruel. You are right that whatever you’re “supposed to let go of” makes them uncomfortable. The cruelest thing anyone ever said to me was “get over it”. That was after I found my brother after his suicide. Very cruel & heartless. No one should dictate how we “should “ respond to events in our life. Especially the events that affect us deeply. Well said Cody.
It was by far the worst day of my life. That was last year. My ex husband is the one who said it repeatedly. We weren’t married long. He was a verbally & emotionally abusive narcissist. Thank you for your understanding.
Lori, I can relate. My verbally, emotionally and physically abusive narcissist, psychopath of a husband didn't offer me any support during the many losses in my life. His favorite thing to say was 'Don't think about it.' I am fighting the fight of my life to get away from his claws. I am glad to read that he's an ex. Bravo and all the best to you.
My heartless sister said to me 'get a hold of yourself' after my father passed away. I was the only one by his side before they killed him. I am so sorry to hear about your brother's suicide.Some people have no heart and no conscience. They're the ones I would like to see flat on their face. I am angry at the cruelty of people but it doesn't surprise me anymore.
I am so sorry for your loss. It’s heartbreaking to lose loved ones. Some people have no empathy or compassion. My dad died 3 months after my brother. My ex told me that “I choose to feel this way “ in regards to my deep sadness & grieving. I was grieving 2 men in my family who I was very close to. Your dad knew you were with him. He could feel the love. My heart hurts for you & your loss 😢
Thank you. Bless your heart. I will try to watch it. I’m grieving my brother, dad, & my ex husband of 41 years. He just died yesterday afternoon. I’m overwhelmed with grief. 💔🩷
The movie is not like other movies…it really is a contemplation on grief and loss. So take your time and maybe don’t watch it right away. But wait until you feel like you’re in a place for that.
I can honestly say this is one thing that I have experienced with many things, due to my incredibly hard life. One thing in particular, my mother’s unsolved homicide. When the subject comes up (it’s been 38 years) and it’s discussed how many avenues I’ve unsuccessfully tried and the 10’s of thousands of personal $’s I’ve spent, I get the “well at least he’ll finally meet his final judgment one day, you just have to learn to accept what is.” Or the dreaded “it was gods plan”. What the fuck are you talking about?!?! God’s plan for a 12 & 15 year old girls to be left motherless?!? He’ll meet his final judgment one day for brutalizing my mother and then burning her face off so we could never see her again and had to have a closed casket?!?! I want judgment right here on earth so I can see it!!! I don’t even believe in that final judgment garbage, because if my Catholic upbringing is correct, if he’s truly sorry and repents, he’s not even paying then!
There are some things that are not a hangnail and you don’t just let go! I also make no apologies for telling people to get the F out of my face for suggesting I do.
Kathleen, I am with you. You have every right to be angry. Don't let anyone silence you. Many times, as women, we have to scream and shout in order to be heard even by so-called professionals. I hear you loud and clear. So sorry about your loss. Sending you a big hug.
Thank you. I will never let it go. I still fight for my mom every year, which has turned into a fight for every faceless victim who never got the justice they deserved.
We shouldn’t have to make twice the noise, but we will.
You nailed this! 'let it go' is also an implied 'rise above'... which is often an emotional bypass. Other people can be with your pain only to the extent they can be with their own. We're a society built on avoiding discomfort. Thank you for saying it like it is.
Letting go of serious infractions when they are still raw is never a good idea. Never. Letting go is for minor things or for things you've truly worked through. I've done this a lot in my life and generally, it was a good thing under those circumstances. When people try to let go way too soon, they end up trapped in the trauma, and letting go is akin to denial at that point. And yes, others are very uncomfortable with your honesty so they just want you to shut up, but saying "shut up" is socially unacceptable. I think even worse than being dismissive like this is to tell someone God chose them for the trauma because God knew they were strong enough to handle it. Oh please, what a horrid thing to say. No wonder people keep things to themselves. You have my deepest empathy and support.
Cody, I can relate. I agree with you. Our pain inconveniences others. They want us to shut up. They don't want to deal with our pain, better to say 'Let it go'. Do you know how often I heard that.? For me, that means find better people and LET THEM GO. They don't understand or they don't want to understand. Don't let the jerks get you down! I know what pain and trauma is like and to fight the system trying to get help. People think that they are safe from trauma and pain and it only happens to others but one day it might happen to them and then they will know what hell is like.
“That’s fucked up. I’m sorry that happened to you.”
Yep! Sometimes it's nice to hear someone acknowledge they understand exactly what's wrong with everything you explained to them and they totally get it. We should validate when someone's experienced harm, not minimize it. That's exactly what teaches people to accept abuse and exploitation, even exploit themselves.
Thanksgiving is always my rage holiday, because it's the one where everyone drones on and on about "unity" and getting along for the sake of getting along. As if the holiday isn't the most obvious joke. All those indigenous people who lost their homes, lives and freedom just "get over it" and be buddies with the settlers who burned down your villages.
Not exactly comparable to family dinner with relatives you would just as soon go to war with, but it feels like a hostage situation to some extent.
If anyone ever wanted to understand the roots of abuse, you need only look to the politics and ideology that shape our lives. Why do you think people keep falling for "get over it"?
It's their own attachment to the social norm of rugged individualism and meritocracy. If one actually caves on, "Get over it," then doesn't it mean they're capable of telling someone else that? As if the social norm of getting over things is the finite rule all people have to follow.
About the only thing I would recommend people "get over" is any of their own willful ignorance because cognitive bias is a bitch. No one warns us about how dangerous either, not until it probably caused us to be self destructive with miscalculated decisions we assumed were good ideas.
To all y'all, you don't have to "get over it" right now and not until you're ready. Whatever happened, I'm wishing you good vibes and hoping life brings you more happy days soon!
This also goes for people who say...you just need to forgive, or quit living in the past, With family trauma when you decide to go no contact, it means: but it's your mother or but it's your father or but it's your family. How could you do that to them? They did the best they could.
Thank you for validating me today. It's been a long hard road to recovery. And I'm getting there! From scapegoat TO escaped goat To Fierce Goat!
If you want to let go see this quantum process easily let go of past bad experience habits and make sure you have a better understanding of your needs and behaviour some time we need help therapist to let go of situations and how to detach those feel us bad can break down the old pattern a build a new pathway if we understand quantam physics
Telling anyone to “let it go “ is insensitive & cruel. You are right that whatever you’re “supposed to let go of” makes them uncomfortable. The cruelest thing anyone ever said to me was “get over it”. That was after I found my brother after his suicide. Very cruel & heartless. No one should dictate how we “should “ respond to events in our life. Especially the events that affect us deeply. Well said Cody.
I am so sorry that happened to you. I am so sorry your brother took his own life. That is a tragedy, and you deserve to mourn that tragedy.
It was by far the worst day of my life. That was last year. My ex husband is the one who said it repeatedly. We weren’t married long. He was a verbally & emotionally abusive narcissist. Thank you for your understanding.
Your ex is an ass, but you already know that. Bless you and your brother.
Lori, I can relate. My verbally, emotionally and physically abusive narcissist, psychopath of a husband didn't offer me any support during the many losses in my life. His favorite thing to say was 'Don't think about it.' I am fighting the fight of my life to get away from his claws. I am glad to read that he's an ex. Bravo and all the best to you.
I’m so sorry that you were subjected to his abuses. I really hope that you can get away from him. How awful for you. My thoughts are with you. 😢
Lori, thank you for your kindness.
You’re welcome. You are not alone. I wish I could help you.
My heartless sister said to me 'get a hold of yourself' after my father passed away. I was the only one by his side before they killed him. I am so sorry to hear about your brother's suicide.Some people have no heart and no conscience. They're the ones I would like to see flat on their face. I am angry at the cruelty of people but it doesn't surprise me anymore.
I am so sorry for your loss. It’s heartbreaking to lose loved ones. Some people have no empathy or compassion. My dad died 3 months after my brother. My ex told me that “I choose to feel this way “ in regards to my deep sadness & grieving. I was grieving 2 men in my family who I was very close to. Your dad knew you were with him. He could feel the love. My heart hurts for you & your loss 😢
So so sorry…😢 ❤️🩹
I watched Terrance Malick’s Tree of Life last night for the first time and it wrestles with grief like that. 🙏🏻❤️🩹
Thank you. Bless your heart. I will try to watch it. I’m grieving my brother, dad, & my ex husband of 41 years. He just died yesterday afternoon. I’m overwhelmed with grief. 💔🩷
That's a lot of loss. You deserve to heal, not hurt.
The movie is not like other movies…it really is a contemplation on grief and loss. So take your time and maybe don’t watch it right away. But wait until you feel like you’re in a place for that.
Sending hugs 🤗!
Thank you so much. I really appreciate your hugs 🩷
I’m so so sorry for how much loss you’ve experienced. ❤️🩹😢 May the Lord’s arms enfold you as He mourns with you. 🙏🏻
🫂🫂
Thank you 🩷
Lori, is he the one who abused you and told you to get over your son's death?
It was my brother’s suicide, but yes it was him. I cut him out of my life. I’m grateful that he lives in a different state.
I can honestly say this is one thing that I have experienced with many things, due to my incredibly hard life. One thing in particular, my mother’s unsolved homicide. When the subject comes up (it’s been 38 years) and it’s discussed how many avenues I’ve unsuccessfully tried and the 10’s of thousands of personal $’s I’ve spent, I get the “well at least he’ll finally meet his final judgment one day, you just have to learn to accept what is.” Or the dreaded “it was gods plan”. What the fuck are you talking about?!?! God’s plan for a 12 & 15 year old girls to be left motherless?!? He’ll meet his final judgment one day for brutalizing my mother and then burning her face off so we could never see her again and had to have a closed casket?!?! I want judgment right here on earth so I can see it!!! I don’t even believe in that final judgment garbage, because if my Catholic upbringing is correct, if he’s truly sorry and repents, he’s not even paying then!
There are some things that are not a hangnail and you don’t just let go! I also make no apologies for telling people to get the F out of my face for suggesting I do.
Kathleen, I am with you. You have every right to be angry. Don't let anyone silence you. Many times, as women, we have to scream and shout in order to be heard even by so-called professionals. I hear you loud and clear. So sorry about your loss. Sending you a big hug.
Thank you. I will never let it go. I still fight for my mom every year, which has turned into a fight for every faceless victim who never got the justice they deserved.
We shouldn’t have to make twice the noise, but we will.
You nailed this! 'let it go' is also an implied 'rise above'... which is often an emotional bypass. Other people can be with your pain only to the extent they can be with their own. We're a society built on avoiding discomfort. Thank you for saying it like it is.
Letting go of serious infractions when they are still raw is never a good idea. Never. Letting go is for minor things or for things you've truly worked through. I've done this a lot in my life and generally, it was a good thing under those circumstances. When people try to let go way too soon, they end up trapped in the trauma, and letting go is akin to denial at that point. And yes, others are very uncomfortable with your honesty so they just want you to shut up, but saying "shut up" is socially unacceptable. I think even worse than being dismissive like this is to tell someone God chose them for the trauma because God knew they were strong enough to handle it. Oh please, what a horrid thing to say. No wonder people keep things to themselves. You have my deepest empathy and support.
“Turn the other cheek” is a variation on this, used by religious institutions to disarm and dismiss those who are challenging power.
Wow. So many pieces of insight and wisdom to ponder.
Yes!🙌
Cody, I can relate. I agree with you. Our pain inconveniences others. They want us to shut up. They don't want to deal with our pain, better to say 'Let it go'. Do you know how often I heard that.? For me, that means find better people and LET THEM GO. They don't understand or they don't want to understand. Don't let the jerks get you down! I know what pain and trauma is like and to fight the system trying to get help. People think that they are safe from trauma and pain and it only happens to others but one day it might happen to them and then they will know what hell is like.
“That’s fucked up. I’m sorry that happened to you.”
Yep! Sometimes it's nice to hear someone acknowledge they understand exactly what's wrong with everything you explained to them and they totally get it. We should validate when someone's experienced harm, not minimize it. That's exactly what teaches people to accept abuse and exploitation, even exploit themselves.
Thanksgiving is always my rage holiday, because it's the one where everyone drones on and on about "unity" and getting along for the sake of getting along. As if the holiday isn't the most obvious joke. All those indigenous people who lost their homes, lives and freedom just "get over it" and be buddies with the settlers who burned down your villages.
Not exactly comparable to family dinner with relatives you would just as soon go to war with, but it feels like a hostage situation to some extent.
If anyone ever wanted to understand the roots of abuse, you need only look to the politics and ideology that shape our lives. Why do you think people keep falling for "get over it"?
It's their own attachment to the social norm of rugged individualism and meritocracy. If one actually caves on, "Get over it," then doesn't it mean they're capable of telling someone else that? As if the social norm of getting over things is the finite rule all people have to follow.
About the only thing I would recommend people "get over" is any of their own willful ignorance because cognitive bias is a bitch. No one warns us about how dangerous either, not until it probably caused us to be self destructive with miscalculated decisions we assumed were good ideas.
To all y'all, you don't have to "get over it" right now and not until you're ready. Whatever happened, I'm wishing you good vibes and hoping life brings you more happy days soon!
This also goes for people who say...you just need to forgive, or quit living in the past, With family trauma when you decide to go no contact, it means: but it's your mother or but it's your father or but it's your family. How could you do that to them? They did the best they could.
Thank you for validating me today. It's been a long hard road to recovery. And I'm getting there! From scapegoat TO escaped goat To Fierce Goat!
Oh Cody, I'm grateful for your voice. Thank you for articulating all this so well. Every sentence holds truth. I'm glad you're here.
If you want to let go see this quantum process easily let go of past bad experience habits and make sure you have a better understanding of your needs and behaviour some time we need help therapist to let go of situations and how to detach those feel us bad can break down the old pattern a build a new pathway if we understand quantam physics
https://open.substack.com/pub/consciousphysics/p/the-fifth-state-quantum-dimensional?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=5uztn1