I read #2, eyes widened. #3, mouth opened. #4, covered my mouth. My mind literally started flashing those images before my eyes again. Remembering how that felt at the time, like it was yesterday — except it was 14 years ago. He was the cruelest person I have ever met. It took 9 years of him being out of my life for me to recover from the conditioning, the control, the way he programmed me to doubt myself, feel inferior, feel insecure. I think I was 26 when the term "gaslighting" started spreading like wildfire in socials, and it's a day I'll never forget. I was reading sentences that were examples of gaslighting, and I realized for the first time that I had been. I was happily married by then, but began bawling for my younger self. How she had no idea, how she made so many excuses, all that she endured because she was so sucked in. His claws piercing her skin, keeping her from going anywhere. Well done on this piece 👍🏻 Always glad to see awareness being spread about narcissists.
All of these makes sense, but what really stands out is #2: "I hate drama."
Soon after I moved to the town where I currently reside, I answered an ad seeking a roommate. The ad stated, very clearly, that the only way an inquiry would receive a reply is if the words "No drama" were in the email's subject line.
That should've been a warning. I regret that this essay wasn't around then.
I moved in a few days later.
A few weeks further down the road, he and I had a rational disagreement and, without going into the irrelevant details, I stopped a $200 check I'd given him. When he found out, he stormed around the apartment, screaming at the top of his lungs, pounding on the walls ... and that was before he called – wait for it – 911. That's right, he called the emergency line over a stopped check.
The one I heard was you misunderstood/don’t understand or misheard ending with a chuckle. This was from childhood. Great way to teach someone to doubt themselves.
I read #2, eyes widened. #3, mouth opened. #4, covered my mouth. My mind literally started flashing those images before my eyes again. Remembering how that felt at the time, like it was yesterday — except it was 14 years ago. He was the cruelest person I have ever met. It took 9 years of him being out of my life for me to recover from the conditioning, the control, the way he programmed me to doubt myself, feel inferior, feel insecure. I think I was 26 when the term "gaslighting" started spreading like wildfire in socials, and it's a day I'll never forget. I was reading sentences that were examples of gaslighting, and I realized for the first time that I had been. I was happily married by then, but began bawling for my younger self. How she had no idea, how she made so many excuses, all that she endured because she was so sucked in. His claws piercing her skin, keeping her from going anywhere. Well done on this piece 👍🏻 Always glad to see awareness being spread about narcissists.
All of these makes sense, but what really stands out is #2: "I hate drama."
Soon after I moved to the town where I currently reside, I answered an ad seeking a roommate. The ad stated, very clearly, that the only way an inquiry would receive a reply is if the words "No drama" were in the email's subject line.
That should've been a warning. I regret that this essay wasn't around then.
I moved in a few days later.
A few weeks further down the road, he and I had a rational disagreement and, without going into the irrelevant details, I stopped a $200 check I'd given him. When he found out, he stormed around the apartment, screaming at the top of his lungs, pounding on the walls ... and that was before he called – wait for it – 911. That's right, he called the emergency line over a stopped check.
I bailed that day.
Like the saying goes: "Live 'n learn..."
Great article!
I've heard them all before but a concise reminder of what they truly say always helps.
Thanks for the balance, again.
The one I heard was you misunderstood/don’t understand or misheard ending with a chuckle. This was from childhood. Great way to teach someone to doubt themselves.
"You're too sensitive" always destroys me. Always. Thank you for your brilliant analysis.