Thank You

Please Read This If You Have a Minute

I don’t really know exactly what I’ve started here with this publication.

Only months ago I was struggling to get out of bed, get my work done, and even to feed myself. I woke up every morning at 3-4 a.m. to a panic attack. My body would shake. My legs would tremble when I walked up or down the stairs. I lost 45 pounds in a 3 month window.

There is no handbook out there for recovering from therapist abuse. I’ve looked.

I finally broke away in August of 2024 and recovering has been difficult. I will not bullshit you. Its hard. My brain and body keep telling me there are threats when there are none.

This person psychologically tortured me for a year and a half after spending 5 years learning every trauma, fear, insecurity, and leverage she could find. The ability to trust ANY person again has felt nearly impossible at times.

I have to repeatedly ground myself throughout the day. I take 4 medications just to try to manage the PTSD and ADHD symptoms I have.

Some days I have a million ideas in my head, and other days I feel like completely shutting down and hiding.

I am also not completely done with the therapist abuse situation. I just filed the complaint in Mid March. No telling how long that process will be. I plan to write about all of it.

When its all over I plan to use the real names of the people confirmed to be involved. Why? Because fuck them. They set out to harm me. They almost made me relapse which would’ve killed me. They knew that. That’s okay.

I’ve questioned at times if there is something about me that has caused people to target me. Do I have some character trait I’m unaware of? Is it something negative? I refuse to believe that. Abuse will make you question your worth if you allow it to.

I refuse to allow that. I have indisputable evidence that I matter. That I have a voice. If I can just find the words and put them together. Maybe somebody else will hear me and they’ll start speaking up too. Maybe it will ease someone’s suffering so they don’t have to feel the way I felt.

So many survivors are quiet. Buried in shame. FUCK THAT. The abusers are the ones that should be ashamed. You are powerful.

I’m not here for revenge. I’m here for justice. I’m here for truth. I’m here for all of us.

If you’ve subscribed and read some of my work then you probably know that I’ve gone through quite a bit. I haven’t fully recovered. I’m not going to feed you some bullshit story that I’ve arrived. I’m not on a high horse. I’m just like you. I’m human. I make mistakes every day.

I want to be clear that I’m not here for sympathy or to play victim. I have endured abuse in many forms and carried the shame for too long. I have taken the blows.

They didn’t expect me to survive it or come back stronger. This is where they fucked up.

I am here to make the abusers feel ashamed and the survivors to feel empowered.

I am here to build you up. Not to sell you shit that adds no value or bitch and moan about my problems. I’m here to help you in the areas I feel I have experience or expertise.

I want you to know that it means something to me that you’re here. That you’re reading this. I felt so alone and broken down at many points. There was a point where I woke up last year shaking and sobbing so bad that I wanted to give up. I even said it.

“I don’t want to be here anymore. What’s the point?”

I don’t feel that way anymore. I was at the lowest place I’d ever been with nobody to help me.

Today I’m stronger. Some days I’m weak. Every day I’m telling the truth.

I’m not sure exactly what this publication will evolve into. I just want you to know how thankful I am that you are interested in any of my stuff.

Thank you for being here.

—Cody Taymore