I’m stunned that you managed to capture everything so well. This made it into my journal. I have to journal to process everything that I spent a lifetime suppressing…my father’s suicide and so much more. Before he died, he sent me a Martina Mc Bride song, In My Daughter’s Eyes, which included the lyric “She was sent to rescue me”, which I obviously could not do. My parents expected me to rescue them but I barely survived them. I had to let go of a lot of people in order to save myself and my sanity. I’ve heard I am selfish, a bitch, cold and much more. I’ve had to forge ahead without a roadmap regardless. The analogy of crabs in a pot trying to pull me back down with them into their chaos comes to mind. I think with the information you are bringing forth at this time that you are one of the most important humans on the earth. No, that is not fawning. I have done enough internal work and reading to know what that is, finally. I mean that sincerely. Wow….just wow. Amazing. Well done.
This didn't read like an essay. It felt more like someone kicking open the door of a burning building to say, I lived here too, and here’s how I got out.
The honesty in your words—raw, unpolished, fiercely intact—it hits different. You didn't just describe Complex PTSD. You made it visible. You gave language to the twitch, the flinch, the way some of us still scan rooms like our childhood depends on it. Because it once did.
You gave us permission to stop apologizing for being “too much.”
To stop trimming our nervous systems into socially acceptable bonsai trees.
To say, this anger is intelligent, this vigilance is earned, this intensity is sacred.
You reminded us that what the world sees as a flaw is often just evidence of survival.
That we weren’t broken. We were adaptive.
Reading this, I could almost hear bones click back into alignment. Not physical ones, but the kind that hold identity together. The kind that carry stories people keep trying to bury under prescriptions and polite behavior.
You wrote as if someone might be reading this with trembling hands, wondering if they’re crazy.
And you answered, No. You’re not. You’re brilliant. And you’re not alone.
You’re “fucking brilliant” and your words will help more people than we can even imagine. You are the practical visionary so many of us need right now, including me. The perfect messenger with the perfect message. Keep it up, Cody, and you just might change our world and raise an army for your highest good and the highest good of us all.
Your essay is flawlessly written, deeply personal, and beautifully complete. Thank you!
Thank you. You write about me. I’ve done yoga for years, and that has truly helped me. EMDR, yes. Now, after basically calling out and severing a family member, which has supercharged my nervous system (in a bad way), i’m finding that doing exercises to tone the vagus nerve and balance my nervous system are really helpful. Arielle Schwartz has some amazing books, videos, and workbooks about applied polyvagal theory.
This is a wonderful piece, Cody. I have the same diagnosis after abuse as a child and 7 years of an abusive marriage that I thought my love could fix.
You are right about losing people in the wake of all this. My circle is limited to my husband, children and maybe one friend. It’s hard to meet people when you don’t trust anyone, even after starting recovery. I’ve learned that friendships are much more about quality than quantity.
I really appreciate the solutions you present here. I’ve tried everything from medication to meditation to even brainspotting. However, nothing has helped me more than trying to sit and breathe when the intense feelings start and let them pass. I used to have all-day anxiety, but doing this gets rid of it in a few short minutes.
I hope you keep writing about complex PTSD with the details that you did here. You are a wonderful writer.
Cody, many of the words you used to describe yourself also apply to me. I have so much admiration for you.
My memory flood didn’t arrive until after my mom died last year- I have a long way to go - albeit while using a discerning eye on my therapist ( thanks to your experience). 💕
I have been reading and listening to information about CPTSD for over five years. This is the most clear and concise set of words . Thank you for writing and sharing them.
It all resonates, and the way the system responds is clear and makes sense when you know the history and the sense that was made of the way we had to live then.
Healing has to be a whole body process and is slow, we are multilayered and sometimes this is hard to get into.
This was absolutely beautiful Cody. You put words to what I’ve been trying to say for years on top of years. 😢 Finally someone who understands in ways I thought no one would ever grasps. Thanks for sharing.
Reading you say “My body held every memory my mind tried to forget. Chronic pain that doctors couldn’t explain. Autoimmune issues that flared during stress. Digestive problems that mirrored my emotional state. My body was screaming the story I couldn’t tell.” feels like reading my own story living with CPTSD.
There’s a sacred rage in this piece. A rage that refuses to let trauma be pathologized into a personality flaw. A rage that knows the line between “coping” and “character” isn’t always clean but it is always earned. And beneath that rage is love. A ferocious, unrelenting love for the wounded self that kept breathing when it should’ve crumbled.
This is what happens when trauma alchemizes into wisdom. It doesn’t get pretty. It gets true. 🙏♥️
The topic of toxic therapist has been on my mind lately so it caught my attention what you mentioned about the therapist who exploited you. Would you consider writing about this particular topic?
This is a such a validating and informative piece, all while being open and vulnerable in the way those with CPTSD need to see.
In case anyone needs help finding a place to start:
I found this website very helpful for me. People who struggle with complex trauma can find resources and information here: https://www.beautyafterbruises.org
Thank you for sharing something so necessary. I hope your work finds every person who needs to see it!
I’m stunned that you managed to capture everything so well. This made it into my journal. I have to journal to process everything that I spent a lifetime suppressing…my father’s suicide and so much more. Before he died, he sent me a Martina Mc Bride song, In My Daughter’s Eyes, which included the lyric “She was sent to rescue me”, which I obviously could not do. My parents expected me to rescue them but I barely survived them. I had to let go of a lot of people in order to save myself and my sanity. I’ve heard I am selfish, a bitch, cold and much more. I’ve had to forge ahead without a roadmap regardless. The analogy of crabs in a pot trying to pull me back down with them into their chaos comes to mind. I think with the information you are bringing forth at this time that you are one of the most important humans on the earth. No, that is not fawning. I have done enough internal work and reading to know what that is, finally. I mean that sincerely. Wow….just wow. Amazing. Well done.
I could not have said it better, Elizabeth. Cody has a way of writing everything I’m feeling, but never knew how to express. I, too, am in awe.
I swear it's like you rip my own brain out of my skull and show it to me 😂
LOL thank you!
Absolutely true! What a talent Cody is!
This didn't read like an essay. It felt more like someone kicking open the door of a burning building to say, I lived here too, and here’s how I got out.
The honesty in your words—raw, unpolished, fiercely intact—it hits different. You didn't just describe Complex PTSD. You made it visible. You gave language to the twitch, the flinch, the way some of us still scan rooms like our childhood depends on it. Because it once did.
You gave us permission to stop apologizing for being “too much.”
To stop trimming our nervous systems into socially acceptable bonsai trees.
To say, this anger is intelligent, this vigilance is earned, this intensity is sacred.
You reminded us that what the world sees as a flaw is often just evidence of survival.
That we weren’t broken. We were adaptive.
Reading this, I could almost hear bones click back into alignment. Not physical ones, but the kind that hold identity together. The kind that carry stories people keep trying to bury under prescriptions and polite behavior.
You wrote as if someone might be reading this with trembling hands, wondering if they’re crazy.
And you answered, No. You’re not. You’re brilliant. And you’re not alone.
You’re “fucking brilliant” and your words will help more people than we can even imagine. You are the practical visionary so many of us need right now, including me. The perfect messenger with the perfect message. Keep it up, Cody, and you just might change our world and raise an army for your highest good and the highest good of us all.
Your essay is flawlessly written, deeply personal, and beautifully complete. Thank you!
Thank you Karin :)
Thank you. You write about me. I’ve done yoga for years, and that has truly helped me. EMDR, yes. Now, after basically calling out and severing a family member, which has supercharged my nervous system (in a bad way), i’m finding that doing exercises to tone the vagus nerve and balance my nervous system are really helpful. Arielle Schwartz has some amazing books, videos, and workbooks about applied polyvagal theory.
This is a wonderful piece, Cody. I have the same diagnosis after abuse as a child and 7 years of an abusive marriage that I thought my love could fix.
You are right about losing people in the wake of all this. My circle is limited to my husband, children and maybe one friend. It’s hard to meet people when you don’t trust anyone, even after starting recovery. I’ve learned that friendships are much more about quality than quantity.
I really appreciate the solutions you present here. I’ve tried everything from medication to meditation to even brainspotting. However, nothing has helped me more than trying to sit and breathe when the intense feelings start and let them pass. I used to have all-day anxiety, but doing this gets rid of it in a few short minutes.
I hope you keep writing about complex PTSD with the details that you did here. You are a wonderful writer.
Cody, many of the words you used to describe yourself also apply to me. I have so much admiration for you.
My memory flood didn’t arrive until after my mom died last year- I have a long way to go - albeit while using a discerning eye on my therapist ( thanks to your experience). 💕
Thank you for this Sandra. My condolences for your loss. Stay strong and yes protect your mental and emotional state as you process such a loss.
Thanks, Cody. 💕
I have been reading and listening to information about CPTSD for over five years. This is the most clear and concise set of words . Thank you for writing and sharing them.
It all resonates, and the way the system responds is clear and makes sense when you know the history and the sense that was made of the way we had to live then.
Healing has to be a whole body process and is slow, we are multilayered and sometimes this is hard to get into.
I appreciate you sharing your way through 🙏
This was absolutely beautiful Cody. You put words to what I’ve been trying to say for years on top of years. 😢 Finally someone who understands in ways I thought no one would ever grasps. Thanks for sharing.
This piece really was amazing. It resonated with me as well.
https://open.substack.com/pub/dukelott/p/the-boardman-watches?r=5h1xth&utm_medium=ios
Brutally honest and revealing. Thank you for sharing your experience! I can relate
Beautifully written, and a message so many deeply need. Thanks for being that voice. 🙏🏼
Reading you say “My body held every memory my mind tried to forget. Chronic pain that doctors couldn’t explain. Autoimmune issues that flared during stress. Digestive problems that mirrored my emotional state. My body was screaming the story I couldn’t tell.” feels like reading my own story living with CPTSD.
There’s a sacred rage in this piece. A rage that refuses to let trauma be pathologized into a personality flaw. A rage that knows the line between “coping” and “character” isn’t always clean but it is always earned. And beneath that rage is love. A ferocious, unrelenting love for the wounded self that kept breathing when it should’ve crumbled.
This is what happens when trauma alchemizes into wisdom. It doesn’t get pretty. It gets true. 🙏♥️
Thank you Cody for killing the silence🙏
The topic of toxic therapist has been on my mind lately so it caught my attention what you mentioned about the therapist who exploited you. Would you consider writing about this particular topic?
This is a such a validating and informative piece, all while being open and vulnerable in the way those with CPTSD need to see.
In case anyone needs help finding a place to start:
I found this website very helpful for me. People who struggle with complex trauma can find resources and information here: https://www.beautyafterbruises.org
Thank you for sharing something so necessary. I hope your work finds every person who needs to see it!