Thank you for this article Cody. I know what it’s like to lose a job unexpectedly. We don’t realize how much of our identity we tie to the work we do until it’s gone. It’s a time to figure out who you are & what your purpose is in life. Sometimes you have to slow down to find the answers. You are helping others by sharing your experiences past & present. You are very intelligent & have integrity. Maybe sharing & helping others is your purpose. Don’t be so hard on yourself. No one looks back on their life & wishes they had worked more. You have been through a lot in your life. It all has lead you to where you are now. Be proud of the man you’ve become. I’m proud of you.
It all matters, doesn’t it? Because life is meant to be lived. Not lived perfectly. Not even lived authentically- until, that is, we know how. So, we just wade through our karma, clearing the path, hopefully to assist someone else that they may rise up. I’m thinking of Nelson Mandela’s prayer to unify: Let us Pray for the Elders for they have come a long way; and, Let us Pray for the children, for they have a long way to go; and, Let us Pray for those in between, for they are doing the work. You, my friend, are doing the work. You are unifying and clearing the path. I feel pretty certain you are living your life most authentically. Not to worry. About anything.
I love your honesty. I was just talking to my sister about your article on ADHD and how we're all actually just triggered and that's so true to me in a couple of ways. When you are being chased by a tiger you don't need digestion, you don't need your pre-frontal cortex (that pesky long term decision maker and the home of ADHD), and you don't need your sense of goodness. This is your ongoing internal *knowing* that if you are here despite all odds it's because God (or the universe whatever) wants you here. You were born because he wanted you: the person you were born, just as you are. In your brain this sense of connection likely comes from your pineal gland. Yes, that gland that gets clogged up with calcification from the additives they put in your water. So you're calcified and likely triggered and then the culture tells you something that you used to hear from the church; you are crap but you can buy goodness. Like everything these days it's a subscription though, you gotta be out there every day buying that goodness, thinking the right thoughts, doing the right things, buying that goodness but never actually getting it. On top of that there's your mind, the imaginary 'friend' you created to keep yourself company. It is a big old confabulator and it insists that you don't do stuff because your biology is affected or because the culture is manipulating, you do stuff because it's the right thing to do. It doesn't hurt that if you were to connect with your actual body and restore your sense of goodness the mind would feature a lot less. That when you find just the right combination of chemistry to turn off your 'friend' you get just as much done, and it's more stuff like creating and enjoying yourself. I read in 'Against Empathy' that loving kindness meditation will give you a sense of energy and love and that empathy (where we fawners live) will just make you tired and frustrated. I'm thinking loving kindness plus kundalini plus figs, pistachios and tamarind might be a way to nourish the sense that goodness isn't a subscription service.
I encourage everyone to read that book because it makes good arguments as to why empathy is the worst decision making position but it also talks about the people encouraging you to be empathic. In the context of what we are now discovering about fawning as a trauma response that will cut off your decision making ability and how a prolonged fawning response will have you reaching for the pharma, it is interesting that the people encouraging us to be empathic most are actually politicians.
This article, in a weird way, made me feel grateful for my energy-limiting chronic illness. Ten plus years ago, I was always busy, rarely rested, and running myself into the ground for all the wrong reasons. My body literally quit on me. I've been chronically ill ever since. I can't overwork now because my body shuts down if I do. I've hated this disease because it ruined my life, but it also saved me.
Your words are refreshing man. I'm also a male survivor of sexual abuse and also feel my self worth is deeply tied to my levels of productivity and success.
Being able to pause and ask myself - am I building or running - is a question I will be keeping in my back pocket.
I'm inspired by your vulnerability and helpfulness. Thanks again for sharing
Hi Cody
What you say resonates with me I’ve actually written a book based on my life called
‘Hamster on a Wheel’ - a busy life
Yes we all need to question. our motives - no matter how buried they might be.
Questioning our motives is the key to breaking the cycle.
Sometimes it’s difficult to understand our motives we have tied them up in our subconscious
Thank you for this article Cody. I know what it’s like to lose a job unexpectedly. We don’t realize how much of our identity we tie to the work we do until it’s gone. It’s a time to figure out who you are & what your purpose is in life. Sometimes you have to slow down to find the answers. You are helping others by sharing your experiences past & present. You are very intelligent & have integrity. Maybe sharing & helping others is your purpose. Don’t be so hard on yourself. No one looks back on their life & wishes they had worked more. You have been through a lot in your life. It all has lead you to where you are now. Be proud of the man you’ve become. I’m proud of you.
It all matters, doesn’t it? Because life is meant to be lived. Not lived perfectly. Not even lived authentically- until, that is, we know how. So, we just wade through our karma, clearing the path, hopefully to assist someone else that they may rise up. I’m thinking of Nelson Mandela’s prayer to unify: Let us Pray for the Elders for they have come a long way; and, Let us Pray for the children, for they have a long way to go; and, Let us Pray for those in between, for they are doing the work. You, my friend, are doing the work. You are unifying and clearing the path. I feel pretty certain you are living your life most authentically. Not to worry. About anything.
I love your honesty. I was just talking to my sister about your article on ADHD and how we're all actually just triggered and that's so true to me in a couple of ways. When you are being chased by a tiger you don't need digestion, you don't need your pre-frontal cortex (that pesky long term decision maker and the home of ADHD), and you don't need your sense of goodness. This is your ongoing internal *knowing* that if you are here despite all odds it's because God (or the universe whatever) wants you here. You were born because he wanted you: the person you were born, just as you are. In your brain this sense of connection likely comes from your pineal gland. Yes, that gland that gets clogged up with calcification from the additives they put in your water. So you're calcified and likely triggered and then the culture tells you something that you used to hear from the church; you are crap but you can buy goodness. Like everything these days it's a subscription though, you gotta be out there every day buying that goodness, thinking the right thoughts, doing the right things, buying that goodness but never actually getting it. On top of that there's your mind, the imaginary 'friend' you created to keep yourself company. It is a big old confabulator and it insists that you don't do stuff because your biology is affected or because the culture is manipulating, you do stuff because it's the right thing to do. It doesn't hurt that if you were to connect with your actual body and restore your sense of goodness the mind would feature a lot less. That when you find just the right combination of chemistry to turn off your 'friend' you get just as much done, and it's more stuff like creating and enjoying yourself. I read in 'Against Empathy' that loving kindness meditation will give you a sense of energy and love and that empathy (where we fawners live) will just make you tired and frustrated. I'm thinking loving kindness plus kundalini plus figs, pistachios and tamarind might be a way to nourish the sense that goodness isn't a subscription service.
I encourage everyone to read that book because it makes good arguments as to why empathy is the worst decision making position but it also talks about the people encouraging you to be empathic. In the context of what we are now discovering about fawning as a trauma response that will cut off your decision making ability and how a prolonged fawning response will have you reaching for the pharma, it is interesting that the people encouraging us to be empathic most are actually politicians.
This article, in a weird way, made me feel grateful for my energy-limiting chronic illness. Ten plus years ago, I was always busy, rarely rested, and running myself into the ground for all the wrong reasons. My body literally quit on me. I've been chronically ill ever since. I can't overwork now because my body shuts down if I do. I've hated this disease because it ruined my life, but it also saved me.
Your words are refreshing man. I'm also a male survivor of sexual abuse and also feel my self worth is deeply tied to my levels of productivity and success.
Being able to pause and ask myself - am I building or running - is a question I will be keeping in my back pocket.
I'm inspired by your vulnerability and helpfulness. Thanks again for sharing
So damn relatable, thank you.