How Therapist Abuse Starts: The First 10 Red Flags I Missed

You’ll miss the signs when they come wrapped in therapy language.

Apr 06, 2025

They don't start by threatening you. They start by becoming your favorite person in the world.

When therapist abuse begins, it doesn't feel like abuse. It feels like safety. Connection. Relief. A voice that finally understands you. A lifeline.

And that's what makes it so fucking dangerous.

By the time you realize what's happening, you're already isolated. Financially entangled. Emotionally dependent. Confused. And most of all—you blame yourself.

So if you're still in it, or still recovering from it, here are the red flags I missed.

These aren't hypotheticals. These are facts I lived through. And they could save you years of recovery.

1. They Make You Feel Like You're Their Favorite Client

What it looks like: They give you extra time. Tell you you're brilliant or insightful. Comment on how you're different from other clients. Suggest you have special potential despite your trauma. They might even label you their "most high-risk patient," creating both fear and a sense of specialness.

What's really happening: This isn't recognition of your uniqueness—it's the beginning of grooming. Ethical therapists maintain professional boundaries and don't play favorites. When they elevate you above others, they're laying groundwork for emotional manipulation.

Protect yourself: Be wary of therapists who frequently compare you to other clients or who seem overly impressed by you. Genuine therapy isn't about being "special"—it's about being understood.

2. They Pathologize Normal Aspects of Your Life

What it looks like: It might start with addressing legitimate issues like substance use. But soon, everything becomes a "disorder" or "addiction." Dating becomes "relationship addiction." Independence becomes "avoidance." Normal emotions become "triggers."

What's really happening: By expanding the scope of what's "wrong" with you, they expand their territory of control. They're not helping you recover—they're convincing you that every part of your life needs their oversight.

Protect yourself: Question diagnoses that seem to multiply without clear evidence. Legitimate therapists distinguish between pathology and normal human experience.

3. They Control Your Relationships

What it looks like: "That friendship is toxic." "Dating is your number one trigger for relapse." "Your sobriety is tied to avoiding romantic relationships." They frame romantic connections or friendships as threats to your recovery.

What's really happening: They're systematically isolating you. By labeling outside relationships as dangers, they become your only safe connection. This isn't protection—it's a power play.

Protect yourself: Be extremely cautious of any therapist who routinely encourages you to end relationships. While some connections may indeed be unhealthy, a pattern of isolation suggestions is a major warning sign.

4. They Make Unverifiable Claims About Others

What it looks like: "Your ex sent me a letter about you." "Someone reported concerns to my licensing board." They share alarming information about what others supposedly say about you—information you can never verify.

What's really happening: They're manufacturing external threats to make you more dependent on their protection and validation. These claims create paranoia about how others perceive you.

Protect yourself: Ask for evidence of these communications. Ethical therapists will either provide documentation or acknowledge they can't share such information—not use vague claims to influence your behavior.

5. They Blur Professional Boundaries

What it looks like: Texting outside of sessions. Late-night check-ins. Sharing details of their personal life, legal problems, or family drama. Making themselves constantly available to you.

What's really happening: This isn't exceptional care—it's boundary violation. By blurring the line between professional and personal, they create inappropriate dependency and obligations that extend beyond the therapeutic relationship.

Protect yourself: Maintain clear boundaries around session times and communication. Be cautious if your therapist frequently brings their personal life into your sessions or contacts you excessively.

6. They Position Themselves as Your Only Support

What it looks like: "I'm the only one who really understands your condition." "I saved your life." "No one else can help you with these specific issues like I can."

What's really happening: They're creating artificial dependency by positioning themselves as irreplaceable. This isn't confidence in their methods—it's ensuring you never seek help elsewhere.

Protect yourself: Remember that qualified professionals recognize the limits of their expertise and often work collaboratively with others. No single therapist should claim exclusive understanding of your needs.

7. They Avoid Accountability

What it looks like: "I didn't tell you to end that relationship—I just helped you see it clearly." "These are your realizations, not my directives." They reframe their suggestions as your independent decisions.

What's really happening: This is sophisticated gaslighting. They maintain control while denying responsibility for the outcomes. This allows them to influence major life decisions while avoiding accountability.

Protect yourself: Trust your memory of conversations. Take notes after sessions. A therapist who consistently denies making suggestions they clearly made is manipulating your reality.

8. They Use Your Vulnerability Against You

What it looks like: When you question their methods: "That's just your trauma response." "Your resistance shows how much work we still have to do." "Your concerns about therapy are symptoms of your underlying issues."

What's really happening: They weaponize your vulnerability by pathologizing your legitimate questions. This creates a perfect trap: any doubt about them becomes evidence that you need them more.

Protect yourself: Legitimate concerns about therapy are not symptoms. Ethical therapists welcome questions about their approach and don't dismiss them as pathology.

9. They Demand Complete Honesty from You

What it looks like: "I can’t help you if you’re not honest with me." "I need you to tell me everything." "You need to be fully transparent so I can protect you." They insist that total disclosure is a condition of your healing—and of their protection.

What's really happening: This isn't about therapeutic transparency. It's about surveillance and control. They want to know everything so they can preemptively disarm you, manipulate outcomes, and use your disclosures as leverage.

Protect yourself: You have a right to privacy—even in therapy. Ethical professionals respect your boundaries and don't equate silence with deception. If you feel pushed to confess every detail or justify your feelings, step back and reassess their intent.

10. They Make You Feel Perpetually Broken

What it looks like: No matter how much progress you make, there's always another layer of "work" to do. The finish line continuously moves. Recovery becomes an endless process that requires their continued guidance.

What's really happening: They're ensuring their continued relevance in your life. Real therapy aims for eventual independence—not permanent dependence.

Protect yourself: Legitimate therapy includes discussions about progress, goals, and eventual completion. Be wary of treatment that seems indefinite by design.

If This Resonates, You're Not Alone

If even one of these hit you in the gut, you're not crazy. You're not exaggerating. You're experiencing a sophisticated form of psychological manipulation from someone trained to understand your vulnerabilities.

They may tell you to destroy evidence. They may convince you the danger is real, and only they can protect you. They may use trauma-informed language to bypass your defenses while isolating you from your life.

Don't wait for them to escalate. Start documenting now.

Save texts. Take notes. Tell someone.

Trust your instincts. You’re not paranoid. You’re being manipulated.

I didn’t know it was abuse until it was almost too late.

Now I write so others can see it sooner.

— Cody Taymore

More essays, stories, and tools:
KillTheSilenceMovement.com

Resources for Survivors of Therapist Abuse:

Therapist Exploitation Link Line (TELL) – Confidential support and reporting.
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) – Peer support, advocacy, and educational resources.
RAINN – For survivors of trauma and abuse.
BPL Michigan – File a Complaint – Report unethical or abusive professional behavior.
Document EVERYTHING: Save emails, texts, contracts, voice notes. You may not realize how valuable they are until it's almost too late.

You’re not alone. You’re not crazy. You’re not broken. And if you’re looking for language, for validation, for the first step out—I’ve got you.

Drop a comment if you’ve seen these signs. Or if you missed them until it was too late. You’re not alone.