Many people don’t know how to help. They never experienced anything Ike it and have never had counseling or taken any courses in how to help others constructively. Some people say, “I don’t know how to help, but I want to.” But these are people who want to continue to be around. Others would rather distance themselves from ignorance and in the job world, self-preservation.
Your equation is just missing the people who want to help but don’t know how, and the jpeople don’t even know they’re bad in a crisis.
I went through an episode of stress-induced psychosis. The people (I thought were friends) who judged, abandoned, then ignored me after I recovered, were those who like to publicly signal their care about mental health.
This is so true. I wish we taught people how to drop their egos more. In the times I’ve had a crisis, the other person is just confused what to do so they get angry. Confusion to anger is the default for most adults.
I had a sit down talk with people who I thought were my friends who crossed a boundary with me and caused me to dissociate. One listened, the other verbally attacked me to beat me down but I didn’t take it offensively. A lot of times people take it as failure as humans like “I should have known better” so they get defensive. Overall, I look back and see it as a missed opportunity for them to connect.
Spot on article Cody. “Most people don’t want truth. They want comfort” is so true. Some people just simply don’t know what to do to help. They don’t realize that just listening is a way to be supportive.
....you are so right. But like others' said. They've never experienced what we have. They "don't know what they don't know. "
Our pain isn't visible like a bloody wound that can be bandaged, and most people don't know "how to listen" .... when it gets scary, they naturally withdraw.
Thank you for this piece. It’s very true. And it resonated. After I read it I had tears. But because it touched my heart. Thank you for putting into words what I’ve been feeling.
This article is making me seriously look at my own treatment of friends dealing with mental health issues in the recent past. Am I guilty of these same offenses? I think it’s very possible I am. I think that fear and not knowing how to help plays a big part. Not that it excuses anything, but I’ve never been good with handling raw emotions. I never know what to say when someone suffers a major loss, like a death in the family. What does one say when someone’s very grip on reality seems to be slipping? How does one relate or assist? I tried to listen to them and help them sort through their thoughts and feelings. I tried to help them apply logic to some of their paranoid thoughts. I tried to direct them towards options for therapy. I also avoided their calls sometimes though because I didn’t want to get sucked into whatever crisis I knew they might be contending with. I justified to myself that I didn’t have the capacity to deal with their problems at that moment. I was struggling enough to keep my head above water. Well, I don’t have to worry about being troubled ever again now by one such friend. She’s dead…and, I can’t help but think that i could have done more to support her when she clearly needed it.
The silence part is what hits hardest. People want comfort over truth - that line is devastating because it explains everythng. The moment support becomes inconvenient, people vanish but still post their mental health awareness graphics. I've watched friends completely ghost someone mid-crisis then later claim they just didnt know what to say.
THIS. Everyone cares about mental health when it’s “mild and cute anxiety” that fuels workoholism. But when you hit the mental hospital guaranteed it’s RADIO SILENCE.
I observed exactly what you described happen with my wife. I must admit, though, that a very small number of friends continue to stay in contact with my wife; continue to try to help her as best they can.
What was disappointing was to watch how many friends simply disappeared.
Also disappointing was to observe how long it took to get into ambulant therapy or to get a bed in a clinic. Unless you attempt suicide, you can wait many, many months before help is available. The politicians who claim to care about mental health have obviously voted to spend huge sums for weapons and wars and subsidizing huge corporations, but neglected to do anything to improve mental health care.
Cody, thank you so much for writing this piece. That's how I feel. A lot of people are selfish and you are seen as a inconvenience. I always say treat people the way you would like to be treated. We live in a very individual society where nobody seems to care when the shit hits the fan. I am always there for others as I know what suffering without support feels like.
Many people don’t know how to help. They never experienced anything Ike it and have never had counseling or taken any courses in how to help others constructively. Some people say, “I don’t know how to help, but I want to.” But these are people who want to continue to be around. Others would rather distance themselves from ignorance and in the job world, self-preservation.
Your equation is just missing the people who want to help but don’t know how, and the jpeople don’t even know they’re bad in a crisis.
I went through an episode of stress-induced psychosis. The people (I thought were friends) who judged, abandoned, then ignored me after I recovered, were those who like to publicly signal their care about mental health.
This is so true. I wish we taught people how to drop their egos more. In the times I’ve had a crisis, the other person is just confused what to do so they get angry. Confusion to anger is the default for most adults.
I had a sit down talk with people who I thought were my friends who crossed a boundary with me and caused me to dissociate. One listened, the other verbally attacked me to beat me down but I didn’t take it offensively. A lot of times people take it as failure as humans like “I should have known better” so they get defensive. Overall, I look back and see it as a missed opportunity for them to connect.
Yep. People prefer pretend.
Wow..... This! Absofuckinglutely True!
Thank you Cody, for these true words and speaking up. 🙏🏻🌬✨️🦋
Ahh! Lol. One of my words. 😁
Spot on article Cody. “Most people don’t want truth. They want comfort” is so true. Some people just simply don’t know what to do to help. They don’t realize that just listening is a way to be supportive.
....you are so right. But like others' said. They've never experienced what we have. They "don't know what they don't know. "
Our pain isn't visible like a bloody wound that can be bandaged, and most people don't know "how to listen" .... when it gets scary, they naturally withdraw.
Thank you for this piece. It’s very true. And it resonated. After I read it I had tears. But because it touched my heart. Thank you for putting into words what I’ve been feeling.
Thank you Christiana
This article is making me seriously look at my own treatment of friends dealing with mental health issues in the recent past. Am I guilty of these same offenses? I think it’s very possible I am. I think that fear and not knowing how to help plays a big part. Not that it excuses anything, but I’ve never been good with handling raw emotions. I never know what to say when someone suffers a major loss, like a death in the family. What does one say when someone’s very grip on reality seems to be slipping? How does one relate or assist? I tried to listen to them and help them sort through their thoughts and feelings. I tried to help them apply logic to some of their paranoid thoughts. I tried to direct them towards options for therapy. I also avoided their calls sometimes though because I didn’t want to get sucked into whatever crisis I knew they might be contending with. I justified to myself that I didn’t have the capacity to deal with their problems at that moment. I was struggling enough to keep my head above water. Well, I don’t have to worry about being troubled ever again now by one such friend. She’s dead…and, I can’t help but think that i could have done more to support her when she clearly needed it.
The silence part is what hits hardest. People want comfort over truth - that line is devastating because it explains everythng. The moment support becomes inconvenient, people vanish but still post their mental health awareness graphics. I've watched friends completely ghost someone mid-crisis then later claim they just didnt know what to say.
THIS. Everyone cares about mental health when it’s “mild and cute anxiety” that fuels workoholism. But when you hit the mental hospital guaranteed it’s RADIO SILENCE.
I observed exactly what you described happen with my wife. I must admit, though, that a very small number of friends continue to stay in contact with my wife; continue to try to help her as best they can.
What was disappointing was to watch how many friends simply disappeared.
Also disappointing was to observe how long it took to get into ambulant therapy or to get a bed in a clinic. Unless you attempt suicide, you can wait many, many months before help is available. The politicians who claim to care about mental health have obviously voted to spend huge sums for weapons and wars and subsidizing huge corporations, but neglected to do anything to improve mental health care.
Cody, thank you so much for writing this piece. That's how I feel. A lot of people are selfish and you are seen as a inconvenience. I always say treat people the way you would like to be treated. We live in a very individual society where nobody seems to care when the shit hits the fan. I am always there for others as I know what suffering without support feels like.
This resonates deeply.
The realest thing I've read in awhile. There's a lot of virtue signaling around mental health. We do prefer comfort over truth.