Cody, if this is unhelpful or inappropriate please delete it.
I’m not in a position to cut ties with the people who abused me. I can’t give details right now. But I do control all communication. I will not speak with them on the phone or in person. Ever. I do not trust them at all even if they are priests. The only communication I allow is in writing either via email or snail mail. I’ve made this crystal clear and told them it’s because I absolutely do not trust them. I do the same for any communication with others concerning them. I make multiple copies of all files both on physical drives and in the cloud. I also scan snail mail in case something happens to the original. Documentation (a written record of everything) is also wise. An acquaintance who is an attorney advised me that having hard evidence of all communication “just in case” is a smart way to protect yourself. This might be helpful for others.
"It is guilt so thick you can taste it. You replay every warning you ignored, every red flag, every moment you thought maybe it would be different. You are left explaining why you needed surgery to people who have never had the infection."
In my case it was more about shame, i.e. thoughts like "How stupid was I to stay with this person? Only idiots would let this happen" And that for me was the real killer. Guilt, I can work with. Shame, not so much.
I feel this. About my brother. Who I used to love, and would love again if I could get that brother back. But I can’t. He no longer exists. A truth some others in my family can’t accept.
It isn’t the same mess that you’re going through. But the similarities feel real.
I wish you well in what you’re going through. Your resolution (please that you get it) will be different from mine because of our different circumstances.
But thank you for articulating what you’re going through well enough that I can see something there which helps me understand a bit better.
I don’t know why that weirdo left the unhelpful comment. Cutting people off is a final reassertion of boundaries and is absolutely your right. I am so sorry you have had these awful experiences. I found that journaling helped me to manage when I had no one emotionally safe to talk to after an abusive relationship. It took a long time but it helped and I healed. I pray that you heal and recover well. Keep going!
Cody, if this is unhelpful or inappropriate please delete it.
I’m not in a position to cut ties with the people who abused me. I can’t give details right now. But I do control all communication. I will not speak with them on the phone or in person. Ever. I do not trust them at all even if they are priests. The only communication I allow is in writing either via email or snail mail. I’ve made this crystal clear and told them it’s because I absolutely do not trust them. I do the same for any communication with others concerning them. I make multiple copies of all files both on physical drives and in the cloud. I also scan snail mail in case something happens to the original. Documentation (a written record of everything) is also wise. An acquaintance who is an attorney advised me that having hard evidence of all communication “just in case” is a smart way to protect yourself. This might be helpful for others.
I don’t feel so alone now, Cody. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart ♥️.
This is one of the clearest descriptions of what no contact really feels like—not just what it means.
"It is guilt so thick you can taste it. You replay every warning you ignored, every red flag, every moment you thought maybe it would be different. You are left explaining why you needed surgery to people who have never had the infection."
In my case it was more about shame, i.e. thoughts like "How stupid was I to stay with this person? Only idiots would let this happen" And that for me was the real killer. Guilt, I can work with. Shame, not so much.
I feel this. About my brother. Who I used to love, and would love again if I could get that brother back. But I can’t. He no longer exists. A truth some others in my family can’t accept.
It isn’t the same mess that you’re going through. But the similarities feel real.
I wish you well in what you’re going through. Your resolution (please that you get it) will be different from mine because of our different circumstances.
But thank you for articulating what you’re going through well enough that I can see something there which helps me understand a bit better.
I don’t know why that weirdo left the unhelpful comment. Cutting people off is a final reassertion of boundaries and is absolutely your right. I am so sorry you have had these awful experiences. I found that journaling helped me to manage when I had no one emotionally safe to talk to after an abusive relationship. It took a long time but it helped and I healed. I pray that you heal and recover well. Keep going!
Hi Cody, question: why are acting as if we are qualified to be surgeons? why do you recommend picking up the scalpel and cut out what is killing you?
What you wrote really touched me. To be recovering and have that person betray you - unconscionable!
She should lose her license. Very unprofessional. 💕